Sparkle and Glower: Alec and Magnus One Shots
by Litsztomania
Summary: Pointless and fluffy oneshots, varying from short to really short, about Alec and Magnus, either together or just on their own. They get into a lot of shenanigans.
1. Shoes

_AN: Uh...Here's a pointless one shot, which is the first in a series of pointless one shots about Magnus and Alec._

**Sparkle and Glower:**

_Pointless One Shots About Magnus and Alec_

**The Village: Shoes**

Magnus and Alec went for a walk in Greenwich Village. Magnus stopped to look at shoes.

"I like those," he said and pointed at a pair of ballet flats with rhinestones.

"I like those," Alec said and pointed at a pair of flat black running sneakers. "They're like the ones I have, but without the Duct tape."

Magnus sighed and Alec was confused.

**The End**


	2. Flirt?

_AN: It's another fluffy one-shot about Alec and Magnus._

**The Village: Flirt?**

Alec and Magnus went to a cafe in the Village after getting shoes. While they were waiting for their drinks to be made, some guy with a really tight t-shirt and pink hair came up to them.

"Hi," he said to Alec.

Alec blinked. "Uh, hi." He looked at Magnus, but Magnus was talking to the barista about how he got his hair to defy gravity.

Mr. Pink Hair said, "Where're you from?"

Alec said, "Idris."

Mr. Pink Hair said, "Is that in Iceland?"

Alec said, "Not really."

Mr. Pink Hair said, "Wanna sit with me?"

Magnus turned around then and handed Alec his Mocha Latte Iced Cappuccino with half skimmed milk, whipped cream, and little chocolate shavings - it was Magnus's favorite drink. Alec just wanted black coffee. He frowned. "Here you go, sweetheart," Magnus said.

Mr. Pink Hair said, "Oh," and walked away.

"Were you flirting behind my back?" Magnus asked as they sat down in the window.

Alec frowned again, trying not to chug his delicious drink. "No. But I think that guy was mentally challenged."

**The End**


	3. Clothes

_AN: Uh...Here's a pointless one shot, which is the first in a series of pointless one shots about Magnus and Alec._

**The Village: Clothes**

Magnus took Alec to his favorite store. It was called The Beat and had loud music playing all of the time.

Magnus dragged Alec through twisty wracks of clothing, grabbing things and throwing them into Alec's waiting arms. They went to a change room.

"I don't want to," Alec said.

Magnus glared at him and wiggled his fingers threateningly. Alec glowered at him and stalked into the change room.

"Let me see how it looks!" Magnus shouted over the music.

"No!"

"Alec..."

"No!"

"Alec!"

"No!"

"_Alec_."

The door unlocked. Alec peeked out and saw that no one was looking but Magnus. Tentatively, he stepped out.

He was wearing the same outfit as Magnus - a black lace shirt under a heavily studded leather jacket, and tight jeanswith rips in them, all covered in jems and sparkles.

Magnus whistled through his teeth. "Hot."

Alec sneered. "Gay."

Magnus shrugged. "It takes two to tango, my little Raincloud."

Alec stalked back into the dressing room and looked in the mirror. He decided, grudgingly, that he liked the pants.

He bought them.

**The End**


	4. The 80's

_AN: A new little series of short, short, short one-shots._

**Rainy Day: The 80's**

Magnus was looking through a photo album in his living room, waiting for Alec to come over. He grinned at a photo of him rolling around on someone's lawn in the 60's with a bottle of something green and orange in his hand. He flipped the page and gasped.

Magnus shuddered as he pulled the offensive photo of him with a teased out mullet from the 80's, wearing a red Thriller jacket covered in zippers.

With a flick of his wrist, the last of the evidence that Magnus had been a part of that accursed decade dissapeared. Then he wondered distantly if he still had the jacket.

**The End**


	5. Shower

_AN: This one has more content in it - there will be one's like this thrown in here and there._

**Rainy Day: Shower**

Alec seemed to appear in the doorway out of nowhere. Magnus had been dancing, his house filled with Lady Gaga's voice from magically amplified speakers. After all, Lady Gaga was the new Madonna, and Magnus loved Madonna. He was moving like his life depended on it, swaying his hips and jerking his arms like she did in the music video. His furniture moved with him like he had his own gravitational pull.

Magnus twirled, arms out at his sides like a ballerina, and caught sight of Alec. "GAH!" he cried. His awesome dancing stopped and he clawed at his heart through his silky Victorian style shirt. It was his favorite shirt - the one that went really well with his chain covered jacket with the ripped sleeve.

Alec's lips quirked like they always did when he tried not to look self-satisfied.. "Did I scare you?"

"No, I knew you were there - I didn't know you were dressed like the bloody Creature from the Blue Lagoon!" Magnus stalked forward, his love of untidiness battling his hatred of swamp fashion. Finally, he crossed his arms and snapped his fingers, silencing Gaga. "Dear God, what happened to you?"

Alec looked at his muddy shoes. "I...I _mmrffah gron trallabhuk_."

"Huh?"

"I got sprayed by a garbage truck," he said louder, face red. "It honked at me to get out of the way and I tripped on the sidewalk into a flowerbed."

So much for Shadowhunter reflexes. Magnus tried to compose his face, but he just ended up laughing harder. It wasn't a week earlier that Magnus stubbed his toe on a coffee table and nearly exploded trying not to turn it into a pile of dirt. Alec had given him a whole speech on what it was like to be completely balanced all of the time - he had a Mark to keep him steady, after all.

Alec glared at him and peeled his gray sweater off. The white t-shirt underneath was only filthy at the edges. He took a step into the house. His foot froze midair. Magnus was smothering his chuckles with his hand, but it was only making his eyes water. Even so, he'd completely stopped Alec's whole body, leaving his mind wide awake.

"No way are you sitting on my couch like that."

Alec's face unfroze. "I can't go home - my parents think I'm studying in my room."

Magnus grinned. "A shower it is, then."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Alec was alone in Magnus's giant bathroom. It had a claw-foot tub and the biggest vanity he'd ever seen. The tiles were mismatched and chipped here and there and the walls were a riot of colour, like various Disney characters had exploded inside of it. Alec had his towel under one of his arms, and a weird bar of soap in the other. Lady Gaga was yelping outside the door.

Alec didn't comprehend Magnus's taste in music. It all sounded fake and loud to him, like a bunch of fighting children's toys. Magnus had explained it to him once, though. He'd lived a good enough portion of his long, long life listening to balding men wail away at pieces of plywood with strings attached.

Alec tossed his dirty clothes into the wicker basket in the corner that was constantly changing colours. He remembered the first time he ever came to Magnus's apartment alone. He was afraid to touch anything in case it turned him into a peacock or made everything he said rhyme. The first time Magnus offered to get him a drink, he'd been too afraid to drink it because he didn't want to turn into a rat.

But Magnus promised that he had better things to do than turn his boyfriend into a table lamp or something for Chairman Meow to eat. That was why Alec used the soap Magnus gave him without thinking. He stayed in the shower until the hot water started to go out, his eyes fixed on the sheer amount of glitter encrusted into the taps and the cocking. It was like dating Tinkerbell's older brother.

Without a thought, Alec pulled the curtain back and looked up at the mirror. Looking back at him was himself, sure enough. But every inch of his skin was completely purple.

For a moment Alec was frozen in shock, his eyes wide, mouth completely agape and in the shape of an O. He looked down at himself to make sure that it wasn't just the mirror - and it wasn't. He was fully and completely purple from head to toe.

"MAGNUS!" he shouted so loud veins showed in his throat. His purple throat.

He grabbed the zebra pattern towel off of the wrack and threw it around his waist just as Magnus opened the door to the bathroom.

"What is this?" Alec cried.

Magnus put his hand to his face, pondering. "Hmmm... I'd say it's a dripping wet naked man in my shower."

Alec blushed and pulled the black and white polka-dot curtain in front of himself.

"Now it's a hiding naked man in my shower. And he's still wet."

Alec shook his head, face completely crimson beneath the purple. "You turned me _purple_, Magnus."

Magnus broke out into a grin and turned his cat eyes down at his nails, which were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. "It really beings out your eyes, little Raincloud."

"Quit calling me that and turn me normal colour again!" Alec demanded. "I can't go home purple. Jace will laugh at me until he turns inside out."

"Oh, what a shame that would be..." he said, though it definitely didn't seem like a shame to Magnus.

Alec took a deep breath and then another. Calmer, though still a human Barney, Alec asked, "Magnus, please."

Magnus looked up and Alec put all of his effort into staring deep into his eyes, willing him to turn him back. They stared at each other like that for a few moments, battling with their eyes. Magnus once said that 95% of magic was in the eyes. It was all about looking, envisioning, willing others to comprehend that you were staring into their soul and using that to persuade them. Alec thought he saw something give inside Magnus. He thought that for a minute, he had Magnus's soul with his eyes and that he was going to give.

"I wonder if you smell like grapes now," he said.

Alec blinked several times and then glared at him. "If you don't get rid of the purple, so help me God I will never come within a foot of you again."

"Here you go," Magnus said and tossed him a bar of plain white soap. Alec caught it and shut the curtain again. A second later he threw the towel over the bar. Magnus whistled.

"Out."

The door clicked shut and when Alec peeked around the curtain he was gone. Gaga started again.

Alec used the soap. Purple ran off of him in rivulets, swirling down the drain like Barney was melting.

* * *

Magnus was standing at the floor to ceiling windows in his cozy living room, waiting. Lady Gaga played, but he wasn't listening for that. He was listening for a certain other diva.

The bathroom door slammed and Alec's heavy, angry footsteps echoed through the apartment over the music, which shut off abruptly as Alec found the stereo.

The footsteps stopped at the door to the living room. Magnus said, "Nice shower?"

"You're a jerk, you know that?"

Magnus turned around and his grin spread so wide he thought his face was going to split.

Alec was 100% orange with purple hair and eyebrows. It was enough to distract from the fact that he was half naked - hell, it was enough to distract from anything.

"You know, I'd say we were an Oompa-Loompa, but they have green hair."

Alec shook his head. "That's it - I'm going home."

**The End**


	6. Tickets

_AN: A new little series of short, short, short one-shots._

**The Movies: Tickets**

Alec and Magnus went to the movies.

Magnus took an hour to do his hair so they were running behind. Alec bought popcorn while Magnus got the tickets so they wouldn't be late. Alec had never been to the movies before and the other people made him nervous. He was afraid Jace would show up and see him with Magnus.

Magnus came back with the tickets.

"What are we seeing?" Alec asked.

Magnus said, "Sex in the City 2."

"What?"

Magnus laughed and handed Alec a ticket for_ Prince of Persia_. "I'm not that gay," he said.

Alec said, "But you own the first one, don't you? I saw it on your TV."

Magnus said, "Shut up while you're ahead. We all make mistakes."

**The End**


	7. Dealing With Hateful People

_AN: I like this one :D_

**The Movies: Dealing with Hateful People**

Magnus and Alec sat at the back of the theater and held hands. Halfway through the movie, Magnus put his head on Alec's shoulder and Alec kissed the top of his spikes.

A guy two rows below, who had been staring at them since they'd walked in five minutes into the previews, screamed, "You're going to burn, queers!"

Magnus snapped his gum and the guy began to scream like a little girl. An usher came to see what was the problem and eventually wrestled the man out with several other employees.

Magnus reached up and kissed Alec's cheek.

"What'd you do to him?" Alec asked.

Magnus smiled, cat eyes gleaming. "I have no clue what you're talking about."

**The End**


	8. Wizard Board Games

_AN: What I think happened when Alec and Magnus were left alone. I know Jace called for them and they went to the graveyard, but for the purpose of this story, lets say Jace went back to the apartment while Clary was asleep. And for obvious reasons, no one ever brought this up again._

**Wizard Board Games**

The door shut and Alec ran to the window, watching Jace, Clary, and the Mundie disappear down the sidewalk.

Slowly, he turned around to face Magnus, who was leaning again the door-frame, cat cradled in his arms like a big fluffy baby.

"Come along, Alec. We're going to play a game."

* * *

In the living room, the giant wooden table had been replaced by the normal coffee table with two big beaded pillows on either side. In the center of the table was a board game.

Alec looked surprised. "Wow. I didn't think we were actually playing a game."

Magnus sat down on one of the cushions and motioned for Alec to do the same. "Oh, this isn't any ordinary game. It's Hocus Pocus - an ancient form of wizard entertainment."

"Made by Parker Brothers," Alec read.

Magnus scowled at him light heartedly. "Okay, so it's an ancient form of wizard entertainment brought into mass production by a conglomerate and sold enchanted at specialty stores in Queens. Happy?"

Alec nodded.

"Whatever. I've been wanting to play it since I bought it, but that grumpy blond kid refused. Roll your dice."

Alec looked at the innocent plastic dice. He glanced around the purple and green board, and the cards in neat little stacks in some areas.

"Well?"

"I'm pretty sure Jace had a reason not to play this..." Alec said, twisting the sleeves of his shirt.

Magnus sighed and grabbed the dice. They hit the board noisily and Alec winced. "I got a six - if you get higher, you go first."

Alec rolled an eight and Magnus told him to roll again. "Four," Alec stated. "Now what?"

"Move your piece and pick up the card the spot tells you to," Magnus sighed. He rolled his glitter encrusted eyes up to the ceiling, as if asking some cosmic being for help.

Alec moved four spaces and frowned. There were a lot more than four spaces on the board - the game was going to last forever. He picked up a card, wondering vaguely when the enchantment would start, and read "Hocus Pocus, you spilt your cauldron, you idiot. Now you have six eyes and no nose."

Immediately, Alec's face tingled and the scent of cinnamon and lavender that he associated with Magnus's apartment went away. Everything became brighter and wider, and Magnus's face suddenly came into sharp focus. Every line and sparkle was an individual aspect that made up the extreme wonder that was Magnus Bane. With him in so much focus, it was hard for Alec to realize he was laughing for a few minutes.

"Magnus, what did you do?" he asked. His voice sounded like it had when a Ravener had broken it while he, Isabelle, and Jace were chasing it through the basement of a high school, the prom he would have gone to if he were normal going on ignorantly over their heads.

"Nothing, nothing," Magnus said, but Alec knew anyways. Magnus grabbed the dice and rolled.

"Ten," he trilled and moved his piece ahead of Alec. He picked up a card from the other pile and read, "You just found a cure for Witch Hazel Fever - here's a steak."

Suddenly, a brilliant steak appeared beside the board game, steaming hot with a baked potato and everything.

Alec's jaw dropped and all six eyes narrowed. He grabbed the dice off of the board. "You're on," he squeaked, still sounding like he had a really bad cold.

Magnus grinned and ate his steak.

* * *

Time flew by in the apartment as Alec and Magnus battled it out over the board. Finally, Alec called for a time out and ordered a pizza. Twenty minutes later, he answered the door.

He met Jace's eyes first thing and then looked down. He was wearing a bright pink wedding dress and his hair was piled on top of his head, lime green and glowing. Both of his feet were the length of ski's with polka dot toenails.

Jace's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "Uh, I - um... I'll let you get back to...that."

Alec grabbed his shoulder before Jace could go. "No, oh wait, Jace this looks all wrong!" he sang to the tune of a pop song he'd heard earlier. "Oh crap, I forgot I can only sing in rhyming song!"

Jace looked half way between horror and laughter. He shook his head and was about to say something when Magnus decided to make an appearance.

He rode out of the living room on a giant electric-blue tricycle wearing a plastic shirt filled with water and actual living goldfish. He had a crown made out of peanut brittle, part of which he was eating. Behind him ran a flock of peacocks, all wearing little top-hats. He was honking the trucker horn attached to the bike and making owl hooting noises.

"I AM THE MOTHA'FREAKIN' KING OF THE PEACOCKS!" he shouted at the top of his lungs. "ALL BOW BEFORE MY BRIGHT PLUMAGE!"

Jace shook his head and turned on his foot to run.

"Okay, I admit that I don't know what this looks like," Alec sang loudly. "But I swear to God I don't know where he got that bike!"

Jace just shook his head. "I am erasing this from my memory, Alec. This never happened."

Magnus rode up onto the landing before the stairs. "Oh, hello there, roomie. This is great! We could use another player."

Alec watched him go down the stairs and then turned back into the apartment, tripping over his slowly shrinking feet as he ran. Jace was all but running down the sidewalk, shaking his head.

Magnus stopped the bike beside Alec and watched Jace turn around the corner. "Well, he's no fun." Magnus turned around and honked his horn again. "Come on, Gregory," he said to one of the peacocks. "You'll help me roll - don't tell the others, but you're my favourite."

**The End**


	9. Alec's Birthday AN

**Hey, I have a new story. It was supposed to be another series of one shots, but I decided to put it separate. All of the little 'chapters' will end close booked, like they stand alone, just in case I don't finish it, but I do sort of have a plot. **

**It's all about Alec's nineteenth birthday after Idris, how they're coping with Max's death and Alec coming out and all of that fun stuff, as well as Jace's insane plot to give Alec a heart attack and Magnus's top secret birthday present.**

**Oh, and you get to see Simon in a dress.**

**So... read it if you want.**

**-Cara  
(I totally signed my name Jace the first time. It wasn't even a conscious thing. It just happened...)**

**Oh, and thank's a ton to Mundie Source for the t-shirt! :D**


	10. Magnus Buys a Hat

_AN: This is the best story ever._

**Magnus Buys a Hat**

Magnus was sick of people saying he was taller than life, so he bought a hat to make him look shorter.

It was a top hat with vertical stripes.

At least he tried.

**The End**


	11. Painting

_AN: Why do I love Magnus turning Alec weird colours so amusing?_

**Painting**

Magnus was tired of Alec being so one coloured, so he bribed Alec into letting him use a new spell on him. Alec wore his normal clothes over to Magnus's house and stood where Magnus told him to. Magnus took an odd purple paintbrush out of his back pocket, bit his bottom lip, and then began to paint the air, muttering strange words under his breath.

Alec felt like his clothes had just come from the drier and laughed. It tickled. His skin started to crawl and he got the warm fuzzy's.

Magnus finally put the brush down. He stared for a minute and then looked at the brush. "Huh."

Alec turned and looked at the mirror in Magnus's bedroom vanity. Both he and his clothes were tie-dyed, from his skin to his hair to his fingernails.

"Seven," Alec sighed.

He'd stopped freaking out over being turned weird colours and had just learned to count how many times it happened and how long it took to get turned back.

**The End**


	12. Christmas Shopping For Alec

_A/N: Long time, no C._

**Christmas Shopping**

Magnus didn't know what to get Alec for Christmas.

Whenever he thought of something that seemed like it would work, he would see a tiny floating Alec staring down at the item, shaking his head and saying "I don't need that." And whenever he outright asked Alec "What do you want?", Alec would go all wishy-washy, claiming that anything Magnus bought would be good enough, as long as Magnus wasn't planning on showing up at the Institute Christmas morning wearing nothing but an intricately tied red ribbon.

That wasn't acceptable. Magnus was the King of Good Gift Giving. He prided himself in being he one person in the room who everyone wanted for Secret Santa. He needed something ingenious, something so unbearably perfect that Alec would burst into tears and exclaim his love for Magnus to the heavens!

And then the lightbulb flicked on and he knew exactly what Alec needed and wanted.

A Snuggie.

**The End**


	13. Christmas Shopping For Magnus

_A/N: Long time, no C._

**Christmas Shopping: For Magnus**

Alec was going insane.

Buying for someone who could conjure up anything they could ever want was infuriatingly impossible. No matter what Alec thought of getting him, a tiny hovering Magnus in a devil costume was there, saying "I already have that. You can borrow it if you want." He'd thought of everything, short of showing up on Christmas morning in a disturbingly skimpy Santa suit, which no one wanted.

Alec didn't even want to celebrate Christmas. Shadowhunter's had their own form of the holidays, and it definitely didn't include trees and donkeys and presents and fat men defying the laws of physics. The only reason he was playing along was Magnus's love of the Christmas season. He knew that whatever Magnus got him would be a million times better than whatever he finally grabbed at the last minute.

_Think, Alec. Think. If you were an ancient warlock with the ability to have anything you want at the snap of your fingers, what would you want your boyfriend to give you for Christmas?_

And then he realized exactly what Magnus wanted.

A leopard print Snuggie.

**The End**


	14. Snuggie Shopping

_A/N: Long time, no C._

**Snuggie Shopping**

Alec was looking for a Snuggie in Macy's.

He got lost in the perfume department and finally tumbled out into the women's clothing section with tears streaming down his cheeks. Alec followed the signs to Customer Service and asked where the Snuggie's were. He got lost again and found himself staring at a million copies of his face on several dozen big screen TV's.

Alec decided he didn't like Mundie methods of shopping.

He found the Snuggie's and grabbed a leopard print one, just as he heard a familiar voice somewhere to his left. Alec watched in horror as Magnus walked around the corner with a tall, purplish woman, his arms laden with bags. He yelped and rolled away from the display, Shadowhunter-Style, disappearing into racks of formal wear.

Magnus paused for a moment, having heard a familiar yelp. He listened closely and realized Bjork was playing throughout the store. He smiled and picked up a plain black Snuggie, oblivious to Alec's retreating figure.

**The End**


	15. Gift Exchange

_A/N: Long time, no C._

**Gift Exchange**

Magnus handed Alec a bundle of bright, shiny wrapping paper with moving snowmen rolling and packing snow to make snow-babies on it.

Alec handed Magnus a box that had been coloured in to look like a wrapped present.

They opened them at the same time.

Alec pulled out a plain black Snuggie.

Magnus pulled out a leopard print Snuggie.

They both stared blankly at their gifts for a few moments and then shared a conspiratorial look.

* * *

Alec and Magnus were snug in their Snuggies, watching the 'convenient' snow fall outside the window. There was a fire going in the conjured hearth and the Charlie Brown Christmas special was playing on the TV. Between them was a plate of cookies and some Egg Nog.

Magnus snuggled closer in his Snuggie.

"Merry Christmas," he said.

Alec said, "Happy Hanukkah."

They sat like that for a while, completely content.

And then Magnus broke the silence, saying, "You know... I still have that bow..."

"No."

And so ends the epic saga of Magnus and Alec's Christmas.

**The End.**


	16. Soft Kitty

_A/N: Long time, no C._

**Soft Kitty**

Chairman Meow liked to scratch Alec. No, he didn't just like to scratch Alec - he lived to scratch Alec. He spent his days and nights plotting ways in which he could inflict pain on Alec without getting drop kicked across Magnus's apartment.

And he was good at it.

Alec snuck into the apartment, shutting the door soundlessly behind himself. Magnus wasn't home.

Alec crouched down low, keeping a keen Shadowhunter eye out for the accursed cat. Church had spoiled him, luring him into the false state of mind that said cats weren't evil. Then again, not all cats had ninja-stealth and a psychopathic desire to see others in pain.

Alec heard something thud against the floor in the dinning room and whipped around. A distended cat shadow slunk into oblivion. There was another thud, in the bedroom, which was impossible. No cat could move that fast.

Swallowing his pride, Alec began making the kissy cooing noises that Magnus assured would make Chairman Meow behave.

"He's a beast of affection," Magnus said, stroking the smug cat one warm August afternoon while Alec nursed a bleeding scratch. "You need to woo him. Right, Chairman? Who's a good cat? You are!"

Feeling unbelievably defeated, Alec crawled through the apartment on his knees, checking behind him like he was soloing on a hunt. In a way, he supposed he was.

"Here, kitty kitty kitty," Alec mumbled. The word 'kitty' didn't sound right coming from his mouth. "Here, cat cat cat!"

In his mind, he could almost hear Magnus saying, "You know what you have to do, Alec. Coax him! Sing the song!"

"No!" Alec hissed back. "I don't want to!"

"Do it."

He sighed, and then looking around, making sure both the cat and it's owner were nowhere to be seen. "By the Angel..." Alec murmured, and then slowly got onto all fours. He crept forward and shakily began The Song.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty..." Something crashed in the kitchen and Alec winced. "Little ball of... fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty - "

Chairman Meow suddenly appeared in the doorway to the living room. Alec's heart thudded loudly in his chest and he fought the urge to get up and book it for the door. The cat seemed to be waiting, so Alec finished. "Pur, pur, pur..."

The cat hissed at him, but Alec stood his ground, repeating the song, louder this time.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty  
Little ball of fur...  
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,  
Pur, pur, pur."

The cat nodded, as if to say "You stop when I tell you to stop."

He repeated the song over and over again until Chairman Meow sat down on his haunches and closed his eyes, purring. Slowly, the cat rose and slunk over to Alec. He rubbed his body up against Alec's thigh and let himself be pet.

Alec smiled, feeling an overwhelming sense of accomplishment.

The door to the apartment opened and Magnus walked in, swinging his keys and chomping frantically at a wad of sparkling gum. "How are my babies doing?" he asked.

Chairman Meow's eyes shot open and he glared at Alec, confused. Before Alec could react, one of his paws swiped up and cut Alec's wrist.

Alec hissed, fighting the urge to call Chairman Meow a plethora of colourful, unpleasant things.

"Hmm," Magnus said. "He must have thought you were me. My little Chairman loves it when I sing him Soft Kitty, doesn't he?"

Alec sighed miserably. And so his battle with Chairman Meow continued...

**The End...**

**Or Is It?**


	17. Chinese Food

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Chinese Food**

Magnus liked Chinese Food.

Alec wasn't picky.

They didn't fight over what the got for dinner.

**The End...?**


	18. Italian Food

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Italian Food**

Alec wasn't picky, but he didn't feel like eating Chinese. He wanted to go to Little Italy.

Magnus was tired and they were on 57th Street.

They decided on grabbing pizza from a vendor.

**The End...?**


	19. Deli Food

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Deli Food**

They looked for pizza vendors, but Magnus didn't trust any of them. He said they all looked greasy.

Alec didn't care. He was hungry. But Magnus suddenly insisted on going to his favourite deli, which was close enough.

They went to the deli.

**The End...?**


	20. Home Cooking

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Home Cooking**

They got to the deli and the line was huge. Magnus tried to stay, but he and Alec got into an argument and the latter ended up storming out of the deli, followed shortly by the former.

Alec and Magnus got on the subway and refused to speak to each other. Then Alec got a great idea. They changed trains and stopped at a shop on York Avenue for supplies.

Magnus and Alec went back to the empty Institute, to the kitchen, and made nachos.

**The End.**


	21. Clubbing

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Clubbing**

Magnus and Alec stepped out from a portal barely concealed in an alleyway. Magnus looked fabulous, as always. Alec looked rumpled and a little queasy.

The line up to get into The Santiago was huge and Alec started for the back of it. Magnus wagged a finger and then looped an arm around his shoulders, leading him to the front of the line. People's complaints were broken off shortly when the bouncer at the doors jumped in surprise at Magnus's arrival and let them go right in.

"Wow," Alec said inside.

"There are some perks to being the High Warlock of Brooklyn," Magnus smiled absently.

Magnus seemed to thrive on the thudding bass and swirl of faces, glimpses caught with the flashing of the strobe light.

The interior of the club didn't do the same for Alec. It made him confused, claustrophobic, and even a little seasick. It took him to a million different clubs all over New York, filled with humans dancing carelessly while monsters lurked among them. It took him to the Seelie Court, where foolish humans danced on for eternity to horribly beautiful music.

He tried to keep at Magnus's side, always in contact. Holding his hand, touching his shoulder, trying to sway to the beat of the music along with everyone else, but ultimately failing. Eventually Magnus kissed him on the cheek and danced off to greet some pixies he was familiar with, leaving Alec to stare around awkwardly in the throng of sweaty bodies.

Feeling more than a little defeated, Alec made his way over to the bar and stared at all of the drinks. He didn't want alcohol, but he didn't want soda. The bartender asked his order and he said "Water?"

He found a spot on the wall to lean against and scanned the mayhem for his boyfriend. Magnus, it seemed, had disappeared. He sighed. Getting left in the dust seemed to be a common theme whenever they went out. Unless it was just the two of them, Magnus always felt the need to flutter about like the social butterfly he was.

Alec wasn't the clubbing type. He thought it was unnecessary and impersonal. Why would he go to a noisy, crowded, confusing room packed with Mundie's and peppered with Downworlder's when there was a nice overstuffed couch in Magnus's apartment? Why would he choose an awkward, cramped, and deafening dive of colour and illusion when the park looked so green this time of year?

Because Magnus loved clubbing, that was why. He loved the noise and the people and the vitality. He loved dancing and shouting when no one could see or hear him. And for some godforsaken reason, he loved bringing Alec along.

He loved bringing him along and loosing him in the crowd.

"Hey there!" a smooth voice shouted in his ear. Alec turned his head and caught the gleam of an earring and the flash of a tooth. "I'm Erik! What's your name?"

A hand snaked out, dead white, and touched Alec's arm. Erik was tall and thick, wearing the usual black that vampires loved.

Alec stepped away. "What do you want?" he called over the music.

"You, me, men's room - let's go!"

Alec make a disgusted face and slapped the hand away from his arm. "Get away from me before I rip you in half!"

The vampire smiled, showing a little more fang, like that would scare him. "I wasn't asking, now was I?"

The hand gripped his upper arm, hard, and pulled. Alec nearly lost his balance, but regained his footing quickly. He straightened up, and a stray strobe light caught one of the Mark's on his neck. It was a simple one for grace in the hopes that it would make him a better dancer. Erik hissed at the sight.

"Nephilim!"

Before anything could happen, the vampire turned a sickly green. Literally. The air around him shimmered dangerously and Magnus broke out of the crowd, eyes flashing. The music drained from the room, but no one besides Alec, Magnus, and Erik seemed to notice.

"Get. Your. Paws. Off. My. Boyfriend." Magnus's voice was a growl, low and dangerous. Slowly, bit by bit, Erik's hand peeled off of Alec's arm.

The vampire's eyes widened and then he fainted. No one noticed the unconscious man lying on the floor.

Magnus smiled at Alec and laced their fingers together. "I lose you for half a second and sure enough you find trouble."

Alec grinned half-heartedly, looking up through his eyelashes. "Then stop losing me."

He rolled his glimmering cat-eyes. "You do realize it's not illegal for you to follow me? If I didn't want you around me, I would come here alone."

"I know..."

"Just try enjoying this a little bit?" Magnus asked, pulling Alec's chin up so their eyes met. "For me?"

Alec looked around the club - the lights, the music, the brightly coloured people - and couldn't help but see why Magnus liked to go clubbing. It was part of who he was.

He nodded, albeit reluctantly. "Okay, okay... For you."

Magnus grinned and kissed him. "Good. Now get out there and shake that tushka."

"Tushka?"

"Tushka."

"Okay then..."

**The End**


	22. Ice Cream

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Ice Cream**

Alec dropped his ice cream. Magnus made him a new one.

Alec was happy.

People on the street clapped at the magic trick and tossed change at them.

They spent the change on more ice cream.

**The End**


	23. Life Story

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**Life Story**

Alec was looking for something in Magnus's office - which closely resembled an episode of Hoarder's he'd recently watched - when he came across a tidy stack of paper with _Life Story_ written on it.

"What's this?" he asked Magnus.

Magnus stuck his head in the door. "It's my life story."

Alec flipped through the pages, which were all filled out with size 8 font. "800 pages... That's a pretty long life."

Magnus blinked. "That's the prologue - conception to birth."

"Oh."

**The End **


	24. Physh the Fish

_A/N: Pish pish pish. That's the sound of a phish.  
_

**Physh the Fish**

"I wrote a story for our baby."

"What baby?"

"It's called 'Physh the Fish'."

"Jesus, Magnus, did you adopt a baby?"

"It's about a fish named Physh. Would you like to hear it?"

"I'm too young to have a kid..."

_Physh the Fish by Magnus Bane_

_There once was a Physh named fish. Wait, no, it was a fish named Physh. _

_Physh was an angler fish, so he was terribly ugly. He had a big mouth and was covered in nasty gray spikes. One day Physh grew tired of living at the bottom of the ocean and swam to the top._

_He went up up up up up up up up up up up._

_Up._

_Up._

_Up._

_Up._

_Up._

_He saw a bright, sparkly fish in the light of the ocean and said, "Hello!" in fish language._

_The sparkly fish had a heart attack and died._

_THE END_

"Do you like it?"

"I... Um."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Wow."

"Do you think our baby will like it?"

"Once again I must ask, what baby?"

"The baby is hypothetical."

"Ah. No, Magnus. I don't think the hypothetical baby will like that."

"Oh... Why?"

"Uh, one of the fish dies? Babies don't like death."

"I see. Well, I think I'm just going to throw this out then."

"Yes, I think that would be best."

**Fin  
**


	25. BOOMBOX

_A/N: Short thyme, lots o' C._

**BOOMBOX**

"You know who I think is hot?" Magnus asked, his mouth half full.

Alec wiped pretzel crumbs off his shirt, grimacing. "I don't think I want to."

"Julian Casablancas," he said. "I saw him the other day. He has that brooding, subdued thing going on."

"I don't know who that is," sighed Alec. They stopped at a crosswalk so Magnus could finish eating. J-walking was a passtime in New York, so no one was standing around. "You have mustard on your cheek."

Magnus batted at his face, completely missing the mustard, and went on talking. "He's the lead singer of The Strokes. You know, Is This It? Room On Fire, Angles... They're pretty well known."

"Not ringing a bell."

The warlock through his crumpled up napkin into the air. It exploded in blinding white fire and they were suddenly transported into the music video for Boombox by The Lonely Island... featuring Julian Casablancas. Two minutes and thirty-nine seconds later, Magnus and Alec were back at the stoplight, wearing fingerless gloves and holding boiled geese. Magnus had a boombox strapped to his back and a grin plastered on his face.

"Cute, huh?"

Alec couldn't help but laugh. "You're weird, you know that?"

"No better way to live, sugar bean."

**FIN**


	26. How To Be Sexy

_A/N: Review Password = Vainglory._

**How To Be Sexy**

Magnus and Alec were in Central Park, watching the paddle boats in a man-made lake, when Alec finally popped the question that had been bothering him for a while.

"Why are you so... sexy all the time?" he asked plainly.

The warlock shrugged. "It's a gift."

"I'm being serious."

Magnus frowned. "I don't know. I don't really think about it. It's just part of being me."

Unsatisfied, Alec made a huffing noise and turned his head. "Fine then. Be all aloof and witty. It's not like I was asking you an honest question or anything."

"Oh, come on. Don't be sarcastic. That's not sexy." When Alec gave him a Basilisk glare, Magnus chuckled. "Okay, it's sexy in small doses. You and Blondie go a little overboard with it. It removes the charm."

Alec rolled his eyes. "Okay, what else?"

"You have to be confident. You have to know that you're sexy. And you have to own a lot of glitter. Glitter is sexy." He sat up, a bright idea suddenly dawning on him. "I need to write this stuff down!" He waved his hand and a notebook appeared. The book opened itself and a pen popped up. It began writing. "You need to be quirky, too. Brooding is nice and all, but everyone wants someone funny. And you need to hit on everyone. Let people know you're available for romping. Oh, English accents are a must! And manners. Setting standards. Being nice to people. But you can't be a push over. People need to know you have a soft side, but you need to be a bit of a badass."

"Okay, I get it!" cried Alec. "I can take a hint."

The book snapped shut. "What do you mean?"

His cheeks went a pink high up. "I'm none of those things."

Magnus put his arm around Alec's shoulders and opened the book up. Alec saw his boyfriend's sloping handwriting spelling out everything he'd just said. Magnus tapped the page and the ink slid and reformed into twenty solid lines of 'BE ALEC BE ALEC BE ALEC BE ALEC'.

"Now you're just sucking up."

"Believe that all you want. I know it's true."

Alec sighed and kissed him, knowing that Magnus meant it. They pulled away, Alec feeling a little flush. It was still a bit exhilarating to kiss him out in broad daylight with people all around. Of course, when a walking talking disco ball has his arm around your shoulders, it isn't exactly hard for people to guess.

"You know, it a little glitter wouldn't hurt..."

"No."

"Just a teeny bit..."

"I said no, Magnus."

"You're no fun."

"Don't you know it."

**FIN**


	27. 60 Words With Alec

A/N: EXTERMINATE.

**60 Words With Alec**

Alec was tired of Magnus's lame practical jokes. Being pranked by a warlock just wasn't fair. He had all of the great cosmic power without the itty bitty living space.

As he watched the magic dye run off in the rain, he counted 23. He just wanted to be Alec-coloured for once. Magnus laughed.

**FIN.  
**


	28. Tampon

A/N: To all of those who think Alec is a closet klutz purely because that would be funny - WE ARE THE ALECLUMSY'S!

**Tampon**

Alec was looking through Isabelle's bathroom cupboard for cotton balls. He needed something to use to stuff up his bloody nose. In a move of pure magic, he had somehow found a way to injure himself while reading in bed.

Exfoliate, hairspray, extra conditioner, extra toilet paper, gauze, a bucket of makeup that would bring tears to Magnus's eyes... no cotton balls.

He pushed a can of Comet to the side and jumped back.

"Woah!"

The box of tampons sat there innocently, the box slightly ajar. Alec was the first to admit that women were terrifying and mysterious creatures, his sister included. Some things really did belong locked up and away from human eyes.

He crouched there for a minute, weighing the pros and cons to what he was thinking of attempting. Finally he grabbed the box, pulled out one of the accursed tampons, and threw the box back. He slammed the cupboard shut and ran out of Isabelle's room. Three minutes later he was back in bed, reading by the fading sunlight, a tampon firmly shoved up his nostril.

The door to his bedroom was suddenly thrown open. Alec sat up, expecting Isabelle to be standing in the doorway. Unfortunately that wasn't true. Jace looked ruffled up, his shirt twisted around his torso and his shoes untied. "You won't believe what just happened! See, I was just walking down the sidewalk, minding my own business, and this huge cucumber - " He stopped mid-sentence and his eyes went wide. "What is that?"

"What's what?" asked Alec. He looked down and saw the swinging blue string of the tampon. He yanked it out and tossed it behind him. "It was nothing!"

Jace blinked a couple of times and half turned, rubbing the side of his face. "Uh, I'll tell you later... You can get back to... that."

Before Alec could explain, the door was shut and Jace was gone.

Alec rubbed his temples and fell backwards onto his pillow. When was he ever going to win?

**FIN.**


	29. To My Bro's

**Hi everybody!**

**I feel like I never say thank you to any of my lovely readers, so I just thought I'd do it now by saying sorry.**

**I'm sorry for the infrequent posts.**

**I'm sorry for the sudden explosion in posts. **

**I'm sorry for the dulled out crackfic ideas and tales of mere existence.**

**I'm sorry that I make Alec seem so off balance, even though I understand that Shadowhunter's are perfectly balanced.**

**I'm sorry for turning Alec different colours. **

**I'm sorry for being subdued.**

**I'm sorry for being Canadian.  
**

**I'm sorry for not answering very many reviews.**

**But I'm not sorry that you guys like it.**

**Thanks for the reviews, Aleclumsy's and Litzheads!**

**:D  
**

**-Cara  
**


	30. The Plunge

_A/N: I started this a while ago and just finished it right now._

**The Plunge**

_Ptt, ptt, ptt._

Alec opened one eye. Yellow city light was streaming into his window, though he knew he'd shut the curtains before passing out. His entire body was sore, thanks to a thorough session of demon ass-kicking earlier that night. His joints seemed to creak as he sat up and twisted around to shut the curtains again. They wouldn't budge. No matter how hard he pulled, they stayed wide open. It took him a moment to notice the faint blue glow around the curtain rod.

_Ptt, ptt, ptt._

Tiny blue rocks were tapping at the glass.

He pulled the window open and shivered as the early spring air sliced through his thin t-shirt. As he expected Magnus was standing in the yard, the bare streetlight leaking over the wall dancing on his glitter. He beamed up at him and waved.

"What are you doing here?" hissed Alec.

Magnus wasn't put off. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel - let down your hair!" He posed dramatically, like some Shakespearean Hero. Only Magnus wasn't going to die any time soon. "I am your knight in glitzy armor!"

"You have to go! My parents - "

"Are asleep. Come on, I have something I want to show you." He held out a hand, as if it would take away from the fact that Alec was on the second floor. "Climb down. Use that tree. I'll catch you if you fall."

Alec sighed and got out of his nice warm bed. He threw on a black zip up sweater and his cleanest jeans, then got to work popping the screen out of his window. Escaping his room was something he had mastered. Sometimes he just needed to get away. Sometimes he needed to sneak out with Jace. Sometimes he just liked to sit in the tree outside his window. He reached the ground, knees bent.

"Should I be worried about how fast you did that?"

Alec smirked. "Maybe. Where are we going?"

Magnus stepped closer so that they were almost touching. He tilted his head down and then looked up through his eyelashes, a small smile dancing on his lips. "You'll see."

* * *

The Brooklyn Bridge stretched out in front of them, hard and real against the dreamy night sky. Magnus had paid for a cab most of the way, but now they walked, Alec in his hard soled slippers. Their hands were linked solidly, one warm and soft, one calloused and half frozen. Alec really should have grabbed a jacket. It was closer to summer than winter, though the weather didn't seem to know that.

They reached the middle and Magnus started pulling him sideways. "Okay, Magnus, seriously. Where are we going?" asked Alec.

The warlock just grinned and hopped up onto the steel banister that separated the foot path from the dizzying plunge into the East River. Alec's eyes widened and he cried out as Magnus stepped out into the darkness. It swallowed him up like a monster. "MAGNUS!" he screamed, bending over to stare down. There was no sign of him. Alec whipped around, searching the bridge. There was no one around. Should he call for help?

His hand instinctively caught his phone and he'd dialed half of Jace's number when Magnus shouted, "Are you coming or what?"Alec looked down again, seeing only nothingness. A cool hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped. Magnus was standing beside him, eyebrow raised. "Well?"

Mouth agape, he stared from Magnus to the river and back again. "But you...? Huh?"

Magnus climbed back onto the banister in one fluid motion and held his hand out for Alec, who reluctantly joined him. They both shimmied out onto the steel girders that stretched out over the water. Alec's stomach twisted and turned, remembering how cold the water was and how terrible it felt in his lungs. Like slime and razor blades. He shivered.

"On three, we're going to jump, okay?"

Alec shook his head. Both of his hands were clasped in Magnus's, shaking heavily. "Why? What are you doing? I don't know if you've noticed this, but neither of us can fly."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Oh come on. Flying is just a matter of missing the ground when you jump. Birds can do it and we all know how stupid birds are."

Alec swallowed thickly, his eyes watering in the cold wind. They were so high up. He took a final deep breath, met Magnus's eyes, and stepped off the girder.

It was like being turned inside out a thousand times. The force flattened his stomach against his spine and tore his hair back. If he could have screamed, he would have. It was too dark and too loud to see or hear it, but Alec knew that Magnus was laughing. The water was rising up fast and solid. At their speed, it was going to be like hitting a brick wall. Alec squeezed his eyes tight and waited for impact. In complete darkness, everything was light. He wasn't falling, but rising. The wind stopped and the cold turned to warmth. At first he was certain he'd died. He'd hit the water and been crushed to death.

"See? We missed!" giggled Magnus.

Alec's eyes flew open and he stared around wildly. He and Magnus were rising lightly, like reverse feathers, still gripping hands. Alec babbled unintelligibly until he finally came to the conclusion that his boyfriend could fly. And then suddenly the world was sucked away and then blasted back where they had been standing. Magnus landed on his feet. Alec landed on his face. "Oww," he groaned.

"It's called a Faerie Whirl. Cool, isn't it?"

Alec got to his feet slowly, his legs feeling like jelly. He felt a little bit like puking. The only thing that held him back was the Shadowhunter's rule about barfing in front of others. He slid back onto the ground and put his head in between his legs, then stayed like that until the swirling went away. Passersby must have thought he was drunk, he realized. "I hate you," he finally stated. "So, so much."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. You took the plunge for me, didn't you?"

Alec burped and puked in his mouth.

**FIN.**


	31. Party

**Party**

Alec and Magnus went to a Downworlder party.

Magnus had fun.

Alec met a girl with a tail.

He had fun too.

**FIN.**


	32. Muffin

**Muffin**

"Crap, I have a hangnail."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Awe. Muffin."

Alec took a breath to complain more about the hangingness of his nail, but then processed the tone of Magnus's voice. "I'm serious! This hurts."

"I know. I'm being compassionate." Magnus leaned back in his chair and played with the handle of his mug. "Muffin."

"Stop that," Alec demanded.

Magnus held his hands up. "I'm not doing anything!" He flashed a quick smile. "Muffin."

Glowering, Alec grabbed his coffee cup. "We're not doing this."

"Doing what? I'm not doing anything."

"You're being sarcastic."

Magnus shook his head. "No, muffin, I'm not."

"STOP CALLING ME MUFFIN!" People around the cafe stared at Alec. His face turned red and he glared at them all. "What? What are you looking at?" They all turned back to their own tables.

"Muffin, calm down."

Alec rubbed his temples. "I'm ignoring you."

"All right then, muffin."

"My hangnail still hurts..."

"Poor thing."

Alec stood up.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm getting a blueberry muffin. Want one?"

"Sure!"

Magnus smiled to himself as he watched his boyfriend leave. Ah, the power of suggestion...

**FIN.**


	33. Robot Cat

**Robot Cat  
**

Alec was reading a magazine, soaking up the sun on Magnus's roof, when he heard it.

"Meow."

The sound echoed through Alec's head and he shot up into a sitting position. He glared around and saw nothing. Sun baked gray pebbles and the peeling paint of the propped open door were both undisturbed. But Alec knew that wasn't enough. He knew that Chairman Meow was trickier than that. Alec set down his copy of Black Sweater Monthly and stood up, pulling a seraph blade from his thigh sheath.

Magnus wouldn't notice his cat was missing at first. Alec could make it look like an accident. Dear God, did he hate that cat.

He swept the roof again and the began lightly walking towards the entrance to the stairwell. Out of the dark shadow peered a pair of cat eyes, unwavering and unblinking.

Alec threw his knife.

It hit right under the eyes. There was a metallic clang and the eyes stayed wide open.

"Robot cat," Alec gasped. "Shit, robot cat!"

He turned on his heel too fast and slid on the roofing gravel. Suddenly he was staring up at the clouds in the sky. Chairman Meow yowled and Alec sat up, sliding backwards. Chairman Meow sprung out of nowhere, scratched Alec's cheek, and darted off back into the building. Slowly, Alec turned his head to look into the shadows. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and for the other set of eerie cat eyes glowing in the shadows to come into focus.

An empty bag of cat food stuck in the lid of an old sidewalk salt can.

Alec rubbed at his cheek angrily.

Chairman Meow: 74

Alec: 0

**FIN.**


	34. Therapy

_A/N: I've been thinking of stopping this fic at 50 chapters, then starting it again with a new title and a theme. What do you think?_

_This is a three part story that I was going to put up on it's own... But why not add it to Sparkle and Glower?  
_

**Therapy**

"This is ridiculous. I hardly think we need to go to couples counseling," Alec repeated bitterly. It was too late to argue, though. They were already in Dr. Marvin Pelatanko's waiting room.

Magnus waved his hand at Alec dismissively. "You said you wanted to stop fighting."

"Then let's just stop!" he cried. "I don't need some Mundie peeling through our heads to know that we fight because you're wrong."

"Honey, we fight because you're wrong," Magnus said sweetly. "And because you snore loud."

Alec shook his head. "No, I don't. Shadowhunter's don't snore. You're just mad because I sleep on the couch when I come over."

"Of course I'm mad about that!" he exploded a little too loudly. The receptionist gazed up at him and pursed her lips. He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes, then went back to work. "What's so wrong about sharing the same bed? I'm not going to deflower you in the night, or whatever it is you think. When I sleep, I _sleep_."

Cheeks red, Alec turned the cold shoulder on his boyfriend. "I'm not afraid of _that_."

"Uh-huh, sure," was all Magnus said.

Ten minutes later the receptionist welcomed them into Dr. Pelatanko's office. Magnus sprawled himself out in one of the chairs. Alec sat icily on the edge of his own. Dr. Pelatanko was a fairly young man with well groomed red hair and a long, straight nose. He finished typing something on his tiny laptop and then looked up at the pair, smiling slightly. He stood up and held out his hand. Alec took it and shook firmly. Magnus gave it a high-five and then stuck his tongue out at Alec's irritated grunt.

"Well, I can see we have a couple of issues here already. Would you like to start, Mr. ...?" he said, staring pointedly at Magnus.

"Bane. Magnus Bane. Shaken, not stirred."

Alec sighed heavily. "See, it's stuff like that that drives me insane! You can't take anything seriously."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "It's not my fault you're so uptight."

"Uptight? I'm not the alcoholic here!"

"I go to parties, I drink, I have a social life. Sue me, Alexander!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Okay then, Raincloud."

Alec gripped the arms of his chair so he wouldn't elbow Magnus in the ribs.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" the Doctor interjected. "Let's not decapitate each other just yet. Now, Magnus, tell me why you've come here today."

Magnus sat up and pointedly stopped looking at Alec. "I love him, but he's driving me up the wall. It's like he's embarrassed about me." He pointed at his face, "He hates my make up and my clothes and my hair, so whenever we go out I have to walk a car length behind him until we're out of sight."

"That isn't true!" Alec gasped in outrage. He looked right into the Doctor's eyes. "That isn't true at all. I love his hair and face and clothes and stuff. And he doesn't have to walk a bloody car length behind me."

Magnus sniffed. "Well, that's what it feels like. What about last week, when you made me stand in that alley?"

The Doctor made a face. "You made him stand in an alley?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "I was standing in the alley, too, and it was only because I thought I saw Jace."

"Oh yes, I for_got_," Magnus enunciated carefully. "You're _brother _isn't allowed to know you're gay."

"He's not my brother, he's my _parabatai_."

The Doctor began to ask what that meant when Magnus flicked his wrist and made him forget he ever heard the word. "Same thing," Magnus said, though the Doctor had no idea what two things he was comparing. "Alec, we've been over this. You don't like Jace that way. You can't."

Alec solemnly stated, "That was not why we were hiding."

"Why were you hiding?" the Doctor asked.

The room went dead silent. Alec looked from the Doctor to Magnus and back again. "I don't know..."

"We were hiding because he's embarrassed about me."

"No. I. Am. Not."

The Doctor repeated, "Why were you hiding?"

Alec pinched the bridge of his nose and said, through gritted teeth, "Because I'm embarrassed about _me_. It's bad enough my family knows I'm not straight. They don't have to see it all of the time!" He rubbed at his eyes and then glared at Magnus. "Are you happy now?"

Magnus smiled a little. "Sort of."

"Well, I'm not the only one with problems - he's always trying to burn my clothes."

The Doctor stared seriously at Magnus. "Why?"

Magnus shrugged. "See those jeans? He's probably worn them since he was sixteen."

"Two whole years!" Alec gasped dramatically. "How dare I wear something for longer than a day!"

"Okay, okay, okay," the Doctor ordered, cutting off Magnus's rebuttal. "I'm starting to see a pattern here." He closed his laptop and straightened up in his chair, face contemplative. "Magnus, I want you to tell Alec you love him."

Magnus faced Alec. "I love you, you annoying little beast" he said.

"Now Alec, say it to Magnus."

Alec gave Magnus a quick smirk. "I love you, you flowery old bastard."

"Hey, I thought we agreed to never bring up the age difference!"

"Oh, I'm sorry. What's a couple of _centuries _between friends?"

The Doctor held up his hands. "Stop, stop, stop. Listen to what I see." Magnus and Alec, who were both leaning toward each other, stopped and sank back into their chairs. The Doctor waited until they were both perfectly settled to give his prognosis. "When you both said I love you, the sincerity was there. It wasn't sarcastic or bitter. And your little jabs are all passive aggressive. You're trying to hurt the other without doing it outright." He nodded to himself. "I don't think your relationship is in jeopardy and I don't think you need to take any sort of break. I think you need to play paintball."

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Paintball?"

The Doctor nodded. "Yes. You can shoot each other as much as you want. It will be fun, stress relieving, and public. And then you can both come back here and tell me how it all worked out."

Alec and Magnus looked back at each other. With a slow grin building on his face, Alec said, "Prepare to have your ass kicked, Shadowhunter style."

**To Be Continued...**


	35. Paintball

_A/N: Feel free to review, my muffins._

**Paintball**

Alec checked the time on his phone again, playing with the edge of his paintballing vest. The sound of twelve year old's screaming and rapid-fire paint attack played as background music to his waiting. There were few things that drove Alec madder than tardiness, one of those being a late Magnus, another being a late Magnus not answering his texts. The guy standing behind the rental counter across from him was breathing unbelievably loud, he noted. He should be slapped.

The door to the paintball shop opened and Magnus glided through, looking like a WWI soldier had been jumped by Of Montreal. He snapped his gum and pulled his sunglasses off. A muscle in Alec's jaw twitched. "You're late."

"And you're grumpy," Magnus laughed. "Can I rent the stuff to do this thing?"

The bored kid behind the counter nodded and got him set up for good, wholesome, and violent fun. Alec grinned to himself as he slid on a pair of leather fingerless gloves. Beneath his bulky sweater and loose jeans, he was wearing his Shadowhunting gear.

Magnus slid on his paintball mask and his eyes crinkled. "I feel bad ass."

Alec rolled his eyes and put his own mask on. "Ready to be defeated?"

"No way."

The bored counter kid sat up and wheezed out the rules. There were two teams - Magnus was on team Alpha, Alec on team Beta. Team Alpha was on the left, Beta on the right. The game would stop when they entered and start up again when the buzzer went off. Three hits and you were out for the round. When you were out, you had to put your hands in the air and announce it. Same deal if you ran out of paintballs and air. And if you were within reaching distance of someone, they can either shout Mercy and go out, or be shot.

"This is going to be fun," Magnus said.

Alec nodded, smirking. "Oh yeah."

The door unlocked and Alec ran inside and to the right. Magnus didn't even see him do it. "Damn," he muttered. "Looks like I'm going to have to amp it up."

* * *

As it turned out, not just twelve year old's played paintball. Two teenage boys were ordering around everyone else when Magnus sauntered up, looking at his nails.

"Hey," he said to them.

One of the boys grimaced. "What the hell is that?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

The other boy sighed. "We'll deal with it. Come on, Rory, finish the plan."

Rory completely shut out Magnus, who rolled his eyes, and finished the plan. "We hit Greg and Mitch - they're the biggest threats."

"No they're not," Magnus interjected. "If you ask me, Alec is your biggest threat. But it's okay. I have him handled."

One of the twelve year old's asked, "Who's Alec?"

Magnus leaned against a technicolor wooden beam. It was really dark in the Fight Zone, which wasn't much of a problem for his cat eyes. "He's my boyfriend."

Rory and the other teenager started killing themselves laughing. "Did you hear that, Tim? His _boyfriend _is going to kick our asses." Rory straightened up and pulled his mask down over his freckled face. "Lame. Just sit back, Nancy-boy. We'll take care of this."

The buzzer went and the team split up. Three seconds later, both Rory and Tim were out. Alec lifted his mask and grinned at them both before disappearing into the shadows. He had very good hearing.

Magnus cursed his love of classic battle fatigues as he crouched low and ran from pillar to paint splattered box. At least his boots were comfy. Two paintball's came speeding at him, only to meet a blue tinted hand and a return to sender spell. Magnus found a hiding spot and started firing his gun erratically, using magic to coax them towards players. But for some reason he couldn't find Alec...

And then he realized that Alec probably wasn't playing by the rules either. He cursed himself for not seeing it earlier. The little rat was probably runed up to the ears and padded with Shadowhunter gear.

His epiphany came a moment too late. Alec dropped down from the rafters and placed a kiss beneath Magnus's ear. "Shout Mercy, Magnus."

Magnus spun around and shot at his boyfriend, who dodged it easily. Three continuous shots splattered over Magnus's heart. Magnus stumbled back, laughing. "Oh, you're going to pay for that. I stole this jacket was vintage!"

He slumped over to the out bench and sat down beside a wide eyed Tim. "He's... he's like a _ninja_."

Rory swallowed hard. "Who is that guy?"

Magnus shook his head. "I told you to watch out for Alec. No one ever listens to me."

* * *

Alec slid through the shadows, unseen and unheard, until he had won the game almost single handed. The round ended and Magnus unfolded himself from the out bench. He met Alec's eyes and then flicked his mask down. The buzzer rang again and Alec fell back, hiding behind a fake plant with the leader of his team, Mitch.

"Okay, so you do what you did last time..." said Mitch. "What should I do?"

Alec laughed to himself. "Stay low, shoot only when you have the shot, and avoid the tall Asian guy with the giant hair."

Mitch nodded and disappeared.

Alec climbed one of the poles, using a glamour to hide himself from everyone - except Magnus, who had the Sight. There was a lot to climb on the ceiling. He bounced from rafter to rafter, aiming paintball's at various chests. And then suddenly he was falling. Alec didn't have enough time to wonder where he'd messed up. He stuck his feet out and landed in a crouch, wishing he could jump like Jace. Alec grabbed for his paint-gun, only to find it missing. It had flown out of his hand and landed twenty feet away.

Alec made a grab for it and then ran back for cover, completely failing to see the blue sparks sliding down the barrel and into the air chamber.

He tuck and rolled beside Greg, the other team leader, his glamour flickering out of existence at just the right moment. Greg jumped and then laughed at himself, glad that Alec was on his team. And then Alec's gun reared up of it's own will, whipped out of his hand, and shot Greg three times in the back.

Greg stood up and announced he'd been hit, completely unaware of Alec's wide eyes and rogue gun. The game stopped and Greg left, the blue paint of Team Beta slowly fading to green.

_Magnus_.

Alec called a time out, saying there was a problem with his gun. The referee couldn't find anything wrong with it, so Alec was stuck with the bewitched one. He made sure to keep a firm grip on it as he went looking for his boyfriend in the dark, noisy room. He hadn't been looking for thirty seconds when his gun pulled a fast one on him again. It slammed him in the ribs, knocking his breath out, and then wriggled free to massacre three people on his team. He swore heavily and considered breaking it. But he wouldn't have the money to replace it.

He was thinking of this when his legs forced him to stand. Alec's mouth popped open in a perfect O as he jerkily stepped out into the middle of the Fight Zone. Suddenly everyone still in the game was lined up on either side of him. They all took aim and

_pow pow pow pow pow pow_

_shunk shunk shunk shunk shunk shunk_

As Alec stormed off to the Out bench, he heard Magnus laughing hysterically.

Twelve minutes later, the second round ended and Magnus and Alec faced each other one final time.

The ref stopped the game just before it started, "Wait, wait, wait," he said. "Grumpy, you're on Alpha now."

Alec blinked and went over to stand beside Magnus. The buzzer went off and the final round began, with a bickering Magnus and Alec on the same team.

**To Be Continued...**


	36. Brawl

_A/N: Feel free to review, my muffins. It's a little choppy and I couldn't resolve it in three parts like I wanted too. (Angry face.)  
_

**Brawl**

Alec and Magnus shuffled into Dr. P's office two days later. Magnus was wearing a sparkling neon veil over his left eye, which had a brutal bruise surrounding it. Alec was limping. The Doctor put his hand over his mouth as they sat down, both obviously ignoring each other. Alec raised his chin, showing off a perfectly round abrasion, deep purple in colour.

The Doctor took a moment to compose himself, trying not to look completely disturbed. "Uh..." he mumbled. "So, how did... How did the paintballing work out?"

Alec cleared his throat and Magnus sighed heavily. "It started out fine," he said through clenched teeth.

"What... uh, what went wrong?"

Both men turned to glare at each other. Alec made a noise with his teeth and then began, "Some kid got paint in his eye and we were put on the same team. It was all downhill from there..."

* * *

_Magnus and Alec were hiding behind boxes with their guns pointed at the ground, talking strategy._

_"You take the little kids, and I'll get the teenagers," Alec instructed._

_Magnus, who had been picking at the corners of his clear coated nails, abruptly looked up. "Excuse me?"_

_"You heard me, didn't you?" he asked, seriously._

_He crossed his arms and jutted out his chin dramatically. "I don't know, did I hear you tell me to handle the children? I didn't know you could tell jokes."_

_Not wanting to fight, Alec shook it off. Shadowhunters didn't fight with each other when they were working. "Okay, fine. You take the teenagers and I'll - " And then it dawned on him. "Wait, did you just say I'm not funny?"_

_A slow grin twitched his lips up. "Darling, you have a lot of talents - humour isn't one of them."_

_Two paintball's hurtled towards them and they both stepped out of the way easily, letting them splatter against one of their team mates. "People say I'm funny all the time!"_

_"Who? Your mommy?"_

_Crap, Alec thought. His defense was gone."Jace thinks I'm funny."_

_"Jace thinks a lot of stupid things are funny - like videos of cats falling off of furniture."_

_Alec hissed in a breath, like he'd been slapped. "Oh, so now I'm a stupid cat that falls off of things! Nice to know you think so highly of me, Magnus. Really."_

_Before Magnus could say more, he stormed off and fell back into the shadows._

* * *

"So you bickered? How did _that _lead to _this_? And what's a Sha-" The Doctor's expression turned vague and then he blinked it away. "Huh. Where were we?"

Magnus shook his blindingly sparkly hair. "One, he's not telling it right. Two, he's not done. And three, who tells a story in the third person?"

"It's called being unbiased, Magnus. You should try it some time. And how am I not telling it right?" Alec scoffed. "That's what happened!"

Rolling his eyes, Magnus leaned in. "Ignore him, honey. Let me tell you how it happened."

* * *

_So Alec and I were discussing how to haul ass when he started in with his usual, "Meep meep meep meep Shadowhunter meep meep meep meep magic meep meep meep meep bad," spiel. He said, "Magnus, you can't use magic or it won't be fair!"_ ("My voice isn't that nasally!")

_And because I'm ever so kind, I agreed. "Sure, Alec my love. I won't use my natural advantage over the opponents!" is word for word what I said. But because Alec is such an Alec, he started in with his "Blah blah blah I'll take the hard targets blah blah blah you fight the little kids blah."_

_All I said was, "Alec, that isn't very fair. They're just little children, for godsake! I'm way older than them." And I repeated, "That's not fair."_

_And he said, "Well, without your magic you'll be about even."_

_So I said, "Without your Shadowhunter gear, you'd be an even match, too." _

_I don't remember exactly how it happened, but he tricked me into insulting him - most likely because he's secretly the DEVIL and he eats food off the floor!_

* * *

"Okay, not only is he getting things mixed up, he's just downright insulting me," Alec accused. "And if anyone's the devil, it's you! At least I needed an umbilical cord."

Magnus gasped and scowled. "Well, I never! You said you'd never bring that up, Alexander Lightwood!"

Alec stood up and lifted his shirt. "LOOK, MAGNUS! LOOK AT MY BELLY BUTTON!" His shout carried out into the waiting room, where several very confused people glanced at each other.

Magnus covered his eyes and made loud, "LA LA LA LA!" noises while the Doctor stared on in horror. _They were clinically insane_, he decided moments before Magnus wiped his mind again and forced Alec to sit down.

Alec cleared his throat and took a shaky breath. "I'm sorry, Magnus," he mumbled.

"It's okay, babe. I'm over it." He didn't sound completely over it. "Okay, Alec tells it better. I think he should finish."

Alec smiled icily. "Thank you. So I left and dispatched several opposing teammates, and then soon enough we were the only two left on our team..."

"Use first person."

Alec lifted his eyebrows. "Why? Why is that important?"

Magnus bobbed his head as if it was obvious. "Uh, third person is creepy?"

Stalemated, Alec continued with his story.

* * *

_We argued about using our... age advantage on the last remaining member of the other team. He was only ten and he looked like he was afraid, so we came to an agreement that we would go easy on him and try not to freak him out._

_I had him in the bag. All I had to do was shoot. And then Magnus came running out, screaming like a lunatic, shouting, "Say hello to my little friend!"_

_He hit the kid twice and then ran out of paintballs, so I ran over to help... which was when Magnus took my gun out of my hands and fired off all of my ammo. The kid shot me three times, then hit Magnus three times, and the game was over. It was all his fault. No debate._

_But I didn't really care because it was just a stupid game. I lose stupid games to my brother all the time, so it was no big deal. We went out to the rental counter to give back our gear. The kid behind the counter was taking forever because he was loading several guns for a party or something. _

_Then Magnus said, "I had it handled, Alec."_

_And I said, "Oh did you? Because it looked like you were out of balls and standing out in the open."_

_Which was when he picked up the fully loaded paintball gun and shot me in the... uh... Yeah. Hence the limp. I suppose he didn't know it was loaded, but that didn't take away from the fact that he destroyed my chances of ever having children with a _paintball gun.

_So I grabbed another gun and aimed for his shoulder, but he tried to push the gun out of the way and it hit him in the eye. The guy tried to take back the weapons, but we ended up using them like fencing swords and insulting each other. They had a security guard drag us out, and we were banned from ever going back._

_Then we fought on the train, in the subway, on the street, inside a deli, outside a deli, in his apartment, and on the phone while I walked home. Alone. In the dark. At midnight._

_

* * *

_"Wow, way to make me sound like the worst person ever."

Alec sneered. "You are the worst person. Ever."

Magnus huffed. "Oh, so you're telling me you're afraid of the city at night. Somehow I don't buy it."

"It's not the fact that I was alone - it's the fact that you didn't want to even walk me to the front door of your flat!" stated Alec. He looked back to the Doctor for help. "All we do is fight. You said we don't need to take a break. What's your reasoning?"

The Doctor held up a hand and then put his pointer finger on his lips. Alec and Magnus both hushed up, avoiding seeing each other in even their peripheral vision. Finally, he said, "One week. I want you two to isolate each other for one week. No instant messaging, no texting, no letters sent by carrier pigeon, no phoning. Complete silence. And then I want you to go on a nice date. A restaurant or something. Somewhere where you have to talk. Then we'll schedule another appointment.

**To Be Continued...**


	37. The Waiting Game

_A/N: This is turning into a story within a story... I apologize. _

**The Waiting Game**

_One Day Later_

Alec slid on something wet and spongy sitting on the floor in the kitchen. It must have been something Isabelle cooked. He thought of Magnus fussing over the bruise growing on the heel of his palm and frowned. It wasn't that he wasn't used to pain - it was just that he needed to use his hands a lot and it was easier to have Magnus heal him than go through the time and bother of drawing on an_ iratze. _ He curled his fingers inward. Ow.

_Two Days Later_

Magnus was taking a bubble bath and reading, a record playing ABBA in the background. He thought of Alec nagging about ABBA and smiled to himself. He thought of sending him a quick text - _I'm listening to ABBA naked. Suck on it, prude. :)_ - and then frowned. They weren't allowed to talk. Not even when Magnus just wanted to make him laugh.

_Three Days Later_

Jace and Alec were practicing knife throwing when Jace said, "Simon showed me this video the other day. This cat puts on little boots and then falls off an armchair."

He laughed, and then grimaced. "Hey, do you think I'm funny?"

Jace shrugged. "Abstractly."

What did that mean? He reached for his phone to ask Magnus and then stopped. Crap.

_Four Days Later_

Wearing his sparkling blue lab coat, Magnus feverishly brewed a potion to remove bad breath in banshees. It consisted of three tubes of tooth paste, a stick of deodorant, mouth wash, a cinnamon scented candle, mint leaves, and Lysol - as well as several assorted things he didn't just find around the house and throw in because they smelled good. The radio started to play the only song Magnus had ever heard Alec sing - Penny Lane by the Beatles. Magnus set his toilet-brush/stir stick down and sighed.

His apartment felt so big and empty without Alec.

_Five Days Later_

_Dear Magnus, _Alec wrote in the corner of his journal, _I miss you. That is all. -Alec._

_Six Days Later_

Magnus stopped mid-pedal. He looked at his watch. His Sunday Spin Class was running unnaturally long, so he decided to just leave. Besides, Magnus hated getting all sweaty on purpose. As a warlock, he only really had to use his hands to work. But Alec was unbelievably fit. He'd started working out for the direct purpose of being able to beat Alec in a footrace if it ever came down to that.

Magnus's thought process boggled even him sometimes.

_Seven Days Later_

"I'm calling him."

"Don't do it."

"I have to. What if he left the oven on? What if he's on fire right now? This is life or death, Isabelle."

"Alec, you have one day to go."

"Yeah... I guess you're right."

**To Be Continued..**


	38. Date

**Date**

Alec smoothed out his black dress shirt. It smelled like cologne and had Jace's name stitched in the collar. He kept fiddling with it, certain that it looked just a little bit less flattering now that he wasn't in his bedroom. Butterflies were making babies in his stomach and trying to crawl out of his mouth. It was a feeling he was disturbingly well acquainted with, and a grave reminder to never eat leftovers out of Magnus's fridge without the seal of approval.

He told himself to calm down. He'd been on dates with Magnus before. Of course, Alec usually spent the afternoon at his house, watching him fiddle with his hair and change his outfit a million times. And they'd said thousands of words to it leading up to the actual date, detailing the time and the place and what to wear and what they were going to do after and when Alec would be back home by and how good this place was over that place and how much food had to be put in the Evil Chairman's bowl (Alec always said none, let the little beast find his own food).

Their dates had never been so... _blind _before. All he knew was the time, the place, and that he had to sit near the front so Magnus could find him easy.

Magnus managed to surprise Alec when he came in, mainly because he didn't notice him at first. He wasn't as flashy. The minimum of sparkle glazed his eyes, his clothes matched because they matched and not because he forced them to match, and his hair was messy instead of spiked, like he'd started his normal routine and then got lazy. He waved at Alec, who stood up. They collided like meteor's and Alec's breath gushed out of his lungs.

It wasn't until then that he realized just how much he missed Magnus. It wasn't an aching hole in his chest that made him want to scream and cry and bite pillows. It was something different altogether. All at once he remembered how much brighter everything was with Magnus around. Life wasn't a pit of despair, but it was... it was... emptier, he supposed. It was boring and monotonous. Half of his time was spent thinking about when he wouldn't be so restless, when he wouldn't be without Magnus.

And he couldn't see why he'd been fighting with him in the first place.

Magnus kissed his temple, then his cheek, then the corner of his mouth. "I didn't know it was loaded," he murmured.

"What?" Alec asked.

Magnus gently kissed his lips and then ruffled his slightly damp hair. "I didn't mean to shoot you in the junk. I didn't think he loaded it."

Alec frowned at the memory. "I thought I was going to go backwards in puberty..."

"I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

They had to sit down and get out of the way. Their feet hooked together and their hands were holding over the small table, Alec's right hand stiff. The restaurant they were in was ritzy. Alec suddenly wondered who was picking up the check. He'd grown up knowing it was always the guy who had to take the bill (unfair), which was obviously the problem.

"How was your week away from me?" Alec asked, flipping through his menu. "Did you throw a huge party and play darts with a picture of my face?" Magnus shook his head, reading. "You look nice."

He lifted his head and grinned. "You too. I love the shirt. It's sort of shiny."

"I stole it from Jace. It's swishy." He shimmied a little to present the swishy-ness.

Magnus laughed and then closed his menu. "I'm totally getting chicken. And no, I didn't throw any parties. I was working most of the time. How was your week?"

With a silent sigh of relief, Alec shrugged. "Same thing. Hunting, studying, training..." He lifted his hand. "And I did this with a piece of chicken, so I'm just going to have pasta."

His boyfriend arched one of his perfect eyebrows. "Seriously? A piece of chicken destroyed your hand?"

"I think I might have broken it... My _iratze _skills aren't really helping because I keep using it."

Rolling his eyes, he took Alec's hand in his own and gently ran his fingertips over the half-scribbled on bruise. blue sparks slid over where he touched and the bone snapped into place painlessly. The bruising faded, the _iratze _taking care of the rest. "All set, Raincloud," he beamed.

Alec leaned back in his chair. Finally he admitted, "Honestly, I spent most of the week trying not to call you."

Magnus blew a huge sigh of relief. "Oh thank God! I thought I was just being clingy. I don't think I've ever been so bored in my life and that's saying something."

"Me too!" he unloaded. "At first it was nice, then it was frustrating, then it was..."

"Lonely?"

Alec nodded. "Yes. Really lonely."

The waiter came then and brought a basket of bread. He took their orders and left. Alec grabbed a bun, stomach grumbling. His hand was half asleep from over-healing and he fumbled to keep a hold of it. It rolled onto the floor, where he and Magnus stared at it. Slowly, Alec reached down, picked up the bun, and wiped it off.

"Alec, there's a whole basket of buns," Magnus said seriously.

Frowning, Alec put the bun aside. "But I already buttered that one..."

He gently shook his head and Alec sighed, taking another bun that hadn't touched the floor.

* * *

"So you apologized?" the Doctor asked.

"It was a night of magic," Magnus said. "We painted the town black."

The Doctor leaned back in his chair, observing the strange pair. "You mean painted the town red."

Magnus shook his head. "Alec doesn't like red. It looks like blood. Blood is bad."

Alec nodded eagerly. "It's true. I like black."

"I have a question," Magnus interjected, lifting his hand like a student. "So whenever we get on each others nerves, we're supposed to just ignore each other?"

The Doctor weighed his reply and then half nodded. "Sort of. Just give each other some space. You don't need to be connected at the hip to know you love each other."

Alec shuddered, apparently picturing life attached to Magnus. How many years would it take before he went blind from hairspray abuse? And how would they wear their pants? Alec was not wearing four legged leather chaps.

"Alec, honey, pay attention," Magnus warned.

Alec snapped out of his terrifying train of thought. "Sorry."

"It's called co-dependence. Couples, whether they be romantic or not, who go through a difficult time together often form a strange sort of love-hate relationship. They don't want to leave each other because the love is real and there, but it's obscured by this... this need to constantly be in each others faces." The Doctor gave them an excited look when he was finished his little speech.

"So, Alec and I spend too much time with each other and," Magnus surmised, "absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

"Yep!"

Magnus nodded. "And I spent fifty dollars an hour to figure out that to make Alec less annoying I had to make him go away."

The Doctor frowned. "Don't you feel like the air has been cleared in your relationship?"

"The air, my wallet, my change purse, and Alec's piggy bank," Magnus sighed, stretching. "Thanks, Doc. We're going to head out."

"Wait, what did you do to my piggy bank?" Alec asked.

"See you later," he said, ushering his boyfriend to the door. "Thank you!"

"Magnus, you bought that for me at Coney Island on my birthd - "

The door shut and the Doctor rubbed his temples. Bloody Warlock's and their romantic problems. It was enough to drive him batty.

**FIN.**


	39. Deleted Scenes You Don't Need To Read

_A/N: Just one more and I'll let it go, okay? A lot of this is just crack-fic, but it made me giggle and I know it will make my dearest friend Danielle giggle, so I threw it in.  
_

**Deleted Scenes**

**Bruises**

"Alec, don't be baby," Magnus demanded. "Let me heal your face at least."

Alec turned away from him indignantly. "No. You injured me and Dr. P is going to see it."

"Fine then," he smirked, pointing at his eye. "Then I'm just going to leave this for him to see."

"Fine."

"Fine."

* * *

**Seven Days Later**

"What if he started running a bath, then went to look for something to read?"

"Uh, I don't see the problem with that."

"He takes a million years to pick a book. The bath will flood over and fill his apartment."

"I'm pretty sure he'll be able to stop it before he drowns, Alec."

"I'm not afraid of him _drowning_. I'm afraid of him getting _electrocuted_."

"How old's Magnus?"

"800 or so..."

"And has he electrocuted himself with a bathtub yet?"

"I guess not..."

"I hate to break it to you, but I think he's going to make it."

"Oh... Yeah, okay."

"Alec?"

"Yes?"

"Why did you come all the way over here?"

"No one else will listen to me..."

"Go home please."

"Fine. Goodnight Simon."

* * *

**Footrace**

Alec and Magnus were walking down the street when suddenly and for no apparent reason the cosmos whispered to Alec, "You must race Magnus to that stoplight."

"Race you to that stoplight," Alec said. They stopped and Magnus nodded eagerly. "One, two, three - GO!"

They both began running full tilt for the stoplight.

Magnus won and the sun shone down through the clouds, bathing him in golden light for that fleeting moment.

* * *

**Seven Days Later**

"He always leaves his windows open at night! What if an... an _eagle _flies in and bites him?"

"That is not going to happen."

"But it could!"

"But it will not."

"But it _could_."

"No. Eagles can not bite."

"Okay, then what if an eagle flies into the windscreen of a commercial jet, which startles the pilot, which causes him to hit a lever which releases one of the wings and the wings crashes into his apartment and he dies?"

"Alec?"

"Yes?"

"Go home."

"But Brother Jeremiah - "

"Go home."

"Okay..."

* * *

**Chicken**

Isabelle was making chicken fingers with real chicken. She was proud that it hadn't burnt or spoiled or exploded.

Beaming, she took a bit. It was raw all through the middle.

She threw the contents on the floor and tossed the pan in the sink, then stormed off to her room. Halfway there she heard Alec cry out. Isabelle froze and then smiled. At least her chicken was good for a laugh.

* * *

**The Doctor**

The door shut and the Doctor stood up. His job finished, he walked over to his closet, where his TARDIS was concealed, and then flew back to London to stop the hoards of Daleks.

* * *

**FIN.**


	40. Laugh

_A/N: You're not allowed in my club... unless you bring the cookies. Also, this is based on something that has happened to all of us. It especially happens to me. I think my sister does it on purpose to try and drive me insane.  
_

**Laugh**

Alec was stretched out on Magnus's floor to help his back. Three hours earlier he'd been flung through a layer of drywall and broke his fall with his tailbone, which had obviously left him a little worse for wear. With Magnus's big fluffy slippers on his feet and a cheesy horror movie playing on the TV, Alec was nearly asleep...

_Tap tap tap. Click. _"Ahahahahahahaha!" roared Magnus.

Alec jumped up, cried out, and fell back to the floor in agony. "Jesus Christ!" he groaned. "What was that?"

Magnus smothered his laughter and shook his head. "It was nothing."

"Didn't sound like nothing," Alec grumbled, trying to get back into his comfortable position.

The room fell silent, save for the TV, Chairman Meow's romping in the other room, and Magnus's persistent tap tap tapping on his laptop. Then began the titters. They were slow at first, and far in between. And then followed by a snort and a happy sigh. Half a word and a giggle. And then suddenly Magnus burst out into hysterical laughter, so much that the computer balanced on his knees nearly fell to the floor.

"What's so funny?" Alec asked.

Magnus looked at him and then began laughing again, harder this time, until his face was red and he had to hide it in his arm. When he managed to reign himself in, Magnus waved Alec's question away. "It's nothing - " snicker " - really. Just something someone said."

"Who's that someone?"

"No one."

"What?"

They fell into silence again, but Alec couldn't concentrate on the movie. He kept casting Magnus sideways glances to see if he was laughing again. He wasn't. Finally, he got up to make a taco and Alec seized the opportunity to put his limited computer expertise to use. He went to the internet browser and then looked at the history.

Facebook, YouTube, Google - Meme Generator?

He clicked on that one and was immediately angry.

A picture of him frowning had been cropped onto a black and gray background with the words, "Clothing taste? I don't want to eat my outfit. I want to wear it," written above and below it.

Magnus waltzed back into the living room with his taco.

"What is this?" Alec asked, ready for an argument.

Magnus looked from Alec to the screen and back again, then started laughing intensely. He laughed so hard that his wrists went weak and he dropped the food in his hand. "I... dropped my... taco!" he wheezed.

Alec couldn't help but smile a little. He dropped back onto the floor. "I know what clothing taste is," he mumbled, purposely leaving out the word 'vaguely'.

**FIN.**


	41. The Man Couch

_A/N: Please don't think I'm stereotyping in this one. The Man Couch does exist. Don't deny it. This is based on something stupid I did last night at the mall, though it was with my sister and not with Magnus Bane (I fear her 1000000 times more). _

_Anyways, she was trying on one of those giant shirts with the floral print on it and she asked me how it looked. And because I'm stupid I answered her honestly. She acted like it was all well and good, put the shirt back, and found another one. We left the mall, stopped in at Wal-Mart to get some Corn Pops, got home, and watched Dr. Who (it was a repeat). I went downstairs, practiced step-dance, went upstairs and did my religion homework, came back to the living room and started writing when all of a sudden she threw a Charlaine Harris book at me and told me to go to hell, she wasn't fat._

_And that was when I realized that not everyone likes honesty. I feel that Alec should come to this revelation as well.

* * *

  
_

**The Man Couch  
**

Alec had a love/hate relationship with the Manhattan Mall.

The crowds and and the dry air and the endless walking but getting no where drove him insane. It felt like everyone was always staring at him, scoping him out. The people in the stores made the hair on the back of his neck stand up and his fingers itch for his blades. Who went to a mall in New York, anyways? It seemed so small town. The food court smelled like plastic, the escalators squeaked, and the bathrooms made him nauseous.

The only reason he found himself returning to the artificially cooled behemoth of flashy clothes and junk food was Magnus.

There were three other boyfriend's on The Man Couch with Alec. They all glanced at each other awkwardly, avoiding each other and yet so aware of how close they were to each other. Two of them were pretending to text (Alec being one of them) while one of the men stared off into space. The forth boyfriend was glaring at the entrance to the woman's dressing room. He had been sitting there the longest, waiting for his girlfriend to try on ten or twenty different things she probably wasn't going to buy.

Alec resented The Man Couch. It was positioned so that it faced the woman's change rooms, meaning he had to constantly look over his shoulder for Magnus and every ten minutes he had to stand up, walk over to the crowd of girlfriends, and tell Magnus that he had no clue whether or not it was fashionable. And then Magnus would ask what he thought personally, to which Alec would mumble that it was nice. Magnus would put his hands on his hips and say "Nice? It's just nice? Nice isn't good enough." Then he would pop back behind the curtain like the Wizard of Oz in reverse and Alec would slump back to The Man Couch, feeling a little bit like hitting his head off the wall.

"Alec!" trilled Magnus.

He sighed and stood up again. The three other boyfriend's looked at him with great pity and one mouthed, "Good luck."

The girlfriend's all parted ways for him and he leaned against the wall. Magnus repeated his name and he said, "Present." The curtain flicked back and Magnus sauntered forward in a blazer and matching pants, a blue dress shirts with tiny twigs and leaves in orange and green underneath it. He waited expectantly for approval. "I like it," he smiled.

Magnus looked down at himself. "It's not... boring?"

"No. Aren't you looking for business clothes?"

He nodded. "Yes... I don't know. This just reminds me of this suit I had about 300 years ago."

Alec looked at the girlfriend's, but they didn't seem to be taking him literally. "You looked good in it then and you look good in it now."

Magnus batted his eyes dramatically and started unbuttoning the dress shirt to mid chest. "Of course I do, darling. I always look good. It's just..." He made a face and spun in the mirror. "Does this make me look fat?"

Silence fell. All of the girlfriends were staring at Alec's slightly hunched back, waiting for his answer. He swallowed. "It makes you look... more muscular?"

Magnus checked himself out in the mirror again and said, "Oh, okay."

Exhaling in relief, Alec turned to go back to The Man Couch.

"So, Alec," Magnus started, fluffing his spikes and making a couple model faces at the mirror, "you think I'm not muscular."

Alec felt himself go a little white. "No, no, that isn't what I meant."

"It's okay," he shrugged. "I know we can't all be built like you."

If Alec could have consulted the panel of experts sitting on The Man Couch, he would have avoided saying his next words. "Well, it's not like you work out or anything..."

The girlfriend chorus gasped like they'd been slapped and man stepping out of one of the change rooms covered his eyes. Inside his head, Alec saw Isabelle slapping herself, muttering, "No, Alec, _no_." Magnus, however, was cool headed. He stared at Alec for a moment and then looked back at the mirror. Then he looked at Alec. "Please return to the couch before I sit on you."

Alec nodded sadly and slouched back. He collapsed and held his head in his hands. A moment later he felt someone patting his shoulder. "It's okay, buddy," said one of the boyfriends. "It's a rookie mistake. You will learn."

Later than night, when he was actively helping Magnus sort his closet without a complaint, he knew that he would learn soon enough.

And learn he did.

**FIN.

* * *

**

_Three orders of after-show business:_

_1) I'm thinking of starting putting a few longer one-shots out separately. I love Sparkle and Glower but when people see 41 chapters they get intimidated. _

_2) Who else is completely depressed by all of these 'Alec-gets-old-and-dies-then-Magnus-kills-himself' stories? He's the High Warlock of Brooklyn! He has to have some sort of immortality card up his sleeve. Not that I like it all that much when everyone in a series manages to cheat death (*cough* Twilight *end cough*), but when it's a relationship like Alec and Magnus's, where he's finally found The One, it seems a little ridiculous that he'd willingly let Alec wither away and die._

_3) Why am I so chatty today?  
_


	42. I've Never

**I've Never  
**

"Can we stop?"

"Wow..."

"Alec, please."

"You're the one who started this."

"I know, I just forgot how much I hate this game."

"One more. I've never... uh... I've never been present at a beheading."

"Oh come on! Everyone my age has seen a stupid beheading!"

"I've never been present at Marie Antoinette's beheading."

"Um..."

"Seriously?"

"It was a big deal at the time! I wanted to check it out."

"Drink."

"Ugh. I'm too drunk to drink."

"Do it."

"Fine."

"I don't believe you, Magnus. I really don't."

"Okay, let's see. I've never... I've never peed in the shower."

"Gross! Why would you do that?"

"I never said I did it."

"Well, have you?"

"...damn it."

"I'VE USED YOUR SHOWER!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"I have a good one!"

"I'm sure you do."

"I've never fallen into a fountain."

"Ha! I've never done that! Go Magnus!"

"I have. It hurts."

"Awe. Muffin."

"Not again with the muffin..."

**FIN.**


	43. The Gay Monster

**The Gay Monster  
**

There were many things Alec never thought he would do, but had been forced to do them because of Magnus Bane. Macrame was one of them. Having a drunken conversation about pineapples with a Kelpie was another.

Being accosted in nighttime Central Park for wearing Magnus's giant rainbow flag t-shirt with LGBT written in bold letters across the chest was on another planet entirely.

It was all Magnus's fault. The stupid, stupid warlock had spilled some sort of acidic concoction all down his front when he tried to scoot past him to grab orange juice. It was at that moment that Alec broke the world record for fastest undressing as his clothes were turned to rags and he was left in a pair of black boxers, orange juice seeping into his toes. Magnus was too tall and too skinny for any of his clothes to really fit. All he had was the rainbow tarp Alec had named The Gay Monster and a pair of NYU track pants - gray, not black.

Alec didn't even look like himself, stuffed into his boyfriends clothes, as he walked across the park. No one ever messed with him before, but for some reason the t-shirt seemed to pull all of the attention away from the 'tattoos' and scars, as well as the barely concealed weapons attached to the inside of his coat, which Alec hadn't even considered closing since it was dark out and suffocatingly hot.

And then suddenly they'd arrived - a bunch of 'scary' white kids who smelled like cheap liquor.

The sudden breach of his personal bubble caught him off guard. It was like everything was going in slow motion when the first one said, "Look at that fag."

Alec's ears turned red and he fought denying it. What was he going to say? This isn't my shirt, it's my boyfriend's. Yeah, that would convince them he wasn't gay. He didn't want to convince them, though. He just wanted them to go away. Alec brushed past them, keeping to his side of the path. One of the boys grabbed him by the collar.

Ah, how unfortunate for him.

Alec moved so fast that the bubble-popper had no idea what had happened. One minute he was breathing down Alec's neck and the next he was on the ground, staring up at Alec's wickedly curved knife. One of the rude boy's friend's tried to wrestle Alec away, only to be knocked unconscious by his elbow and the butt of the blade. The third friend ran.

Alec put his focus back on the one who had touched him. He leaned down so that their faces were almost touching, his whole body bristling furiously. "I'm not your victim, _Mundie_," he growled. "You so much as _look _at another gay person wrong and I. Will. Find. You." Alec grabbed his ears and bounced his head off the pavement just so, rendering him out cold.

He straightened up and looked at the two incapacitated boys.

"I hate this shirt, too," he muttered, and then continued his walk home.

**FIN.**

**

* * *

**_I never portray Alec as a BAMF. I need to correct this._**  
**


	44. Sex

_A/N: Get your head out of the gutter. This shit is rated K.  
_

**Sex**

Alec was angry with Magnus because he said that Alec was awkward when people talked about sex. According to Magnus he didn't know anything on the subject. That wasn't true. Alec knew things about _it_. Hodge said he was excellent at biology.

Nevertheless, Alec was determined to learn more, which was why he brought a pen and a notebook on his trip to the Museum of Sex on Fifth Avenue.

Three hours later he left the Museum without the pen, which he had accidentally broken.

Magnus was right. He didn't know anything about sex. And he wasn't willing to learn.

At all.

**FIN.**


	45. The Gay Bar

_I'm sorry for the hiatus. I was working on a different MI Fandom story and now I'm doing a bunch of short stories for school. My font of imagination is wearing out... So here you go. If you ever want to take one of my one-shots and expand on them, feel free. Just tell me. I'd like to read it.

* * *

_

**The Gay Bar**

Magnus convinced Alec to go to a 'male's only' bar in the Village.

Alec did not agree to bring Jace. He simply showed up on his own. The night was very awkward at first, but then it was very fun. Jace left with numbers written all up his arms. He was proud of all of them, even though he wasn't gay. It was nice to know that everyone found him attractive.

Afterward, they went to a little restaurant named Lonnie's. That was where Alec found out that Magnus had invited Jace.

He was not amused.

**Fin.**


	46. All That Glitters Is Not Gold

**All That Glitters Is Not Gold**

"I can't _believe _this!" Magnus shouted. "Who does she think she _is_?"

Alec was making his worried face, trying to calm his boyfriend down with a hand on his back. "Who's she? What's wrong?"

The warlock didn't answer. Instead, he grabbed the CD off of the shelf and glared at it, like he could burn a hole through the plastic with his gaze. When Alec realized he probably could, he began to look around for potential witnesses. "This disgusts me," Magnus finally spat and tossed the CD back down. The case cracked. No one noticed. "I need a Slushy."

Alec bit his lip, torn. He wanted to follow Magnus out of the store and ask him what was wrong, but at the same time he felt guilty about leaving the broken merchandise. Somehow he came to the conclusion that it was his duty to buy the CD. He grabbed it, ignoring the grimace on the cashiers face, and followed Magnus out into the street. It wasn't hard to find him. He towered over everyone and had the gait of a fashion model. Alec hurried over to his side, concealing the CD in his cargo pants pockets.

Magnus refused to talk about what happened in the store. Apparently what he had seen had appalled him to the point of muteness, which was a first. He continued his silence well into the week until Alec finally had a chance to listen to the music that had revolted him so. After a moment of figuring out how to work the player, he heard the first song - and regretted it.

"Jesus Christ!" he swore, covering his ears. "What _is_ that?"

He flicked it off and glared at the accursed speakers.

A half an hour later, he was cleaning up Magnus's kitchen to be nice when a stray lyric popped into his head. It repeated over and over again until Alec mumbled it out loud, the sound lost in the rush of the dishwasher. He moved on to tidy up the cereal cupboard, tapping the rhythm to the song. A small smile spread and he threw in a little shimmy. What did it matter? No one could see him. Or hear him. And Magnus wouldn't be home for a couple of hours. Alec gave in and went back to the CD player. The music sounded just as bad, but bad in a good way. He didn't understand it, but he knew he liked it. A little. In private.

Soon enough, the kitchen was clean and Alec was boiling pasta while he vacuumed the living room. The CD was blaring and he was singing along with everything he had, dancing like he was tipsy at a club with Magnus. Chairman Meow was chasing him around, apparently aware of his abnormal behaviour. Or maybe he was trying to warn Alec about Magnus's arrival. It was too late, anyways. Magnus had heard the music from down the block.

The door slammed open and Magnus came storming in. Alec stopped immediately, pale. The music snapped off.

"I, uh, didn't..."

Magnus held up a hand. "I do not blame you," he said softly, though he still looked furious. "She is the devil and she tempts people into listening to her."

Alec frowned, looking down at his socks. "She seems like the type of music you'd like..."

Quickly and quietly, Magnus stalked over to the stereo. He grabbed the CD off the top and pointed to it. "Madonna is music. The Gaga is music. MGMT is music." He shook the CD. "This is _not _music. This is evil, evil black magic. Not all that glitters is gold. That's why she grossly misuses it. See this font? Not classy."

Which was why from then on Alec only listened to Kesha in private.

**FIN.**


	47. Zetta

**Zetta**

_Dedicated to Miss Regina Star._

"This thing is zetta long," sighed Magnus.

They were watching Avatar in his living room, lounging around like a couple of useless cats. Alec nodded in agreement and then paused. What had he said? Zetta? What the hell did that mean? He began to ask and then stopped himself. What if zetta was one of those commonplace pop culture words, like 'lol'? Alec was tired of having Magnus look at him like he was one crayon short of a pack. The best thing to do was ignore it, pretend like he knew what it was. That was what he did. He went on pretending that nothing was bothering him, even though his mind was going insane trying to figure it out. What had he said again? How had he phrased it? Zetta... Was that Greek? Alec spoke more Latin than Greek. Why had Magnus said it at all? Was it a secret test to see whether or not he was trying study up on Magnus's interests? That was it. It was a test. An important test. Their entire relationship hung in the balance of his response.

"Zetta is a replacement for the word very," his boyfriend said out of no where. "Like hella and uber. Stop sweating."

Alec laughed nervously.

What the hell was a hella?

**FIN.**


	48. Hello

**Hello**

Alec's fingers kept tracing over the buttons on his phone. They expertly dialed the ten digits in quick succession, only to press the off button before the call actually went through. This was important. This was very, very important. Alec exhaled, trying to get the nervous quiver out of his voice. Isabelle said this was a good idea. Isabelle was the master of dating.

He dialed.

It rang twice. "I'm working." And the other line went dead.

Feeling like an idiot, Alec put his phone back in his pocket. He sat down on the edge of the bathtub, listening to the sound of the ceiling fan over the toilet. How had he managed to mess the whole thing up without saying anything? No wonder Alec was socially inept. He couldn't even call right. Eventually he slid down so that he was sitting in the tub, staring at his knees as they disappeared over the edge. Moisture from his morning shower stuck his shirt to his lower back and his cargo pants to his butt. Next to the word 'pathetic' in the dictionary was a picture of Alec Lightwood in that moment.

And then his phone buzzed furiously. He jumped and pulled it out of his pocket and glanced at the name. It was unlisted, but he knew the number off by heart. Alec hesitated and then got over himself. "Hello?"

"It's Saturday. I'm charging double. What do you need?"

Alec swallowed. "Um, I wasn't looking for your services."

"Oh really? Who is this?"

"Lightwood. Alec Lightwood." He silently cursed himself for stuttering. Stupidity often found its way out of his mouth when he was nervous.

"Shaken not stirred?"

"Huh?"

There was a thump on the other end of the line and some muffled shouting. "_...or you'll be a fur coat_!" he finished as he brought the phone back to his mouth. "Lightwood... So you're a Shadowhunter? What do you want?"

"We met before. At your house. There was a party."

Silence.

"Are you still there?"

"You're the one with the blue eyes?" He sounded hopeful.

Alec almost sat up to double check his eye colour. "Yes."

There was another pause before Magnus spoke again, the air of superiority leaving his voice. "Hello."

"Uh, hello."

And so it began.

**FIN.**


	49. I Love You

**I Love You**

The thought and the meaning were there, burning under the surface of his skin, but Alec couldn't voice how he felt. Those three little words seemed to get stuck in his throat every single time, leaving him to say something lame and completely unrelated. Like "I hate toenails" and "Is it Thursday?". The worst part was watching Magnus's face when he almost said it. They both knew when it was about to happen. Something lit up the air, made the time right, let him know that it was time to say it.

And then he fizzled. Alec was the King of Fizzle.

Right then, sitting on a blanket in Shakespeare's Garden, watching Magnus read, Alec knew he had to say it. He felt the words burning a hole in his heart. It was late in the afternoon, warm, and for once Alec wasn't sneezing his face into oblivion. The time was right. The setting was perfect. The sun sprinkling down through the canopy of leaves made the air look almost green. A shard of light streaked down Magnus's face. He ignored it, too busy reading Camus or Twilight or whatever it was he picked from his shelf. Alec's textbook was open in front of him, reminding him that he had to study. But he couldn't. Not when he felt like this.

"Magnus?" he murmured.

Magnus looked up and smiled. "Yeah?"

"I..." He lost all of his nerve. "I like snow-cones."

The warlock nodded, expression quizzical. "I do too. Maybe we should get one when we leave."

Alec nodded and then swore at himself as he hid his burning face, staring blankly at the words in his textbook. _Stupid, stupid Alec. Gut-less. Coward. You don't even like snow-cones. What the hell are you going to do if he offers to buy you one? Eat it? You're going to make a face when you eat it. Now you've hurt his feelings. Good job._

The murmurs of the Garden filled the gaps as they kept on reading, Alec continuously peeking at Magnus, who was so completely enraptured in his book that he didn't seem to notice. Those three words danced on the tip of his tongue. He mouthed them to his textbook, trying his hardest to give them a voice. It wouldn't work. Every time he tried his stomach flip flopped and he ended up angry and frustrated.

And then Magnus laughed at his book. It was almost inaudible - more of a snicker than anything. An unconscious gesture that lit up his face and filled the quiet afternoon with a short burst of music.

"I love you," blurted Alec. It came out a lot more forceful than he meant. Magnus looked up in surprise. "Completely. I love you completely."

There. He said it. A little bubble of nervous laughter made him cover his face with his hand.

Why wasn't Magnus saying anything back? The warlock stared at him like he'd just turned all of the roaches in his cupboards into adorable puppies with candy scented farts, but for once he had nothing to say. Suddenly those long arms wrapped around Alec's torso and his mouth was trapped by Magnus's own. Heat built up in Alec's chest as he kissed back, letting his eyes close. The air smelled like Magnus's detergent. He could hear nothing but his own heartbeat. A strange fuzzy feeling seemed to cover his skin, like a Snuggie or a hot bath. Time stopped. Noise stopped. He was dizzy, but in a good way. A relieved way.

"I love you, too," breathed Magnus as he broke apart. "Completely." And then he kissed him again.

Alec knew that the future was a confusing mess. He knew that nothing in his life could be as simple as kissing in Shakespeare's Garden on a warm afternoon. That wasn't the path he'd been put on. That wasn't his life. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was that moment, where he felt peaceful and wanted and loved. Where there were no closed doors and no painful secrets. Life would be alright if he could have that seventy second kiss. And the one that followed, and the one after that and after that and after that.

All that mattered was the love he felt, burning like a fire in the center of his chest.

**FIN.**

**

* * *

**_Sorry if this wasn't funny. I also come in sweet. _

_Num num sweet!  
_


	50. Struck

_FIFTY CHAPTERS! WOOOOOOO! I was originally going to stop Sparkle and Glower after this one, but I think I'm going to go for 100. _

* * *

**Struck  
**

Whenever Alec talked about the first time he'd officially met Magnus Bane he made sure to lie through his teeth and say it was the party where that Mundie got turned into a rat. It wasn't that Alec found the true story embarrassing or disturbing or negative in any way. For once, he was only able to see the positives of a situation that could have caused a lot of stress and dramatics. To Alec, the story of how he met his warlock was too special to share with anyone but Magnus. It was one of those stories that would be told time and time again, after dinner and during anniversary parties. That wasn't what he wanted. He wanted it to keep its magic, its secrecy.

The whole thing started with a stupid stuffed octopus.

o-O-o

Alec was thirteen and confused. Isabelle was eleven and in love. Jace was twelve and a brat.

If Alec had to explain how Burt the Octopus ended up hanging from the power lines on close to Broadway, that was what he would say. To shorten a long story, Jace grabbed Burt and went running. Isabelle chased him and Alec chased Isabelle. They had all run half of Manhattan when Jace was found standing on top of a Dumpster, taking aim. Alec begged him to stop and Jace threw it, Isabelle screaming like a wounded animal the whole time. The stupid octopus caught and Isabelle tackled Jace to the ground, all the while Alec sighed and went to look for a stick to knock it down. The two others disappeared and Alec figured that he could throw rocks at the stupid googly eyed thing until it came loose - which proved to be partially effective. The stuffed animal tumbled out and Alec went running headlong for it, not looking where he was going.

Burt fell into his arms as the ground slipped out from under him. Alec didn't even notice that he'd stepped off the curb until he saw the car speeding for him, mid-fall. It hit him, his ribs taking most of the impact. Alec rolled up over the hood, tangled up in shock and pain. The taxi jerked to a halt and he spun back down onto the asphalt. Alec's breath rattled his chest as he stared blankly up at the sky. Where were Jace and Isabelle? They weren't even going to know he'd died in the street because of their stupid bickering.

"Holy _shit_!" cried the cabbie. Suddenly the sky was covered with a middle aged Italian man's face. "You okay, kid?"

Alec coughed and felt something warm come out of his mouth. The cab driver meant to say something else, but was knocked backwards by blue sparks, out cold. A pair of troubled cat's eyes appeared in his place. Alec knew immediately that the man was a warlock, but his head felt like it was filled with cement and he couldn't stay awake any longer. The warlock was saying something, but everything echoed like he was at the end of a terribly long hallway. Alec shut his eyes and couldn't open them again.

The next thing he knew, he was lying on a strange couch, smelling apples and cinnamon.

Alec struggled to sit up, immediately taking in his surroundings and scoping out an exit. His ribs tingled madly, underlined with a pain that told him he was coming out of some sort of anesthetic. If he moved too much it hurt to breathe. After a wild second of gaping at the complicated steampunk clock sitting on top of the TV stand and the sunny yellow knit blanket covering him, he noticed a dirty octopus grinning at him from the cluttered coffee table. Beside that was a half-consumed cup of tea, still steaming. The sound of a toilet flushing snapped Alec out of his trance and he tried to get to his feet. The bathroom door opened just as he got off the couch.

As the High Warlock of Brooklyn rounded the corner, Alec took his first step towards the door and they both made a discovery - his foot was broken.

Alec swore and stumbled forward, catching himself on the back of the couch. The warlock rushed over to him, offering help. "Honey, let me look at that," he said. Alec reached for his stele, only to find it missing. He'd left it on his nightstand back at the Institute. "It might be broken."

He didn't know what to do. A dizzy spell decided it for him, making his knees go weak. He slowly let the warlock help him back onto the couch. Alec gave him the once over. Tall, lean, sparkly, and young - he didn't look evil. Not with a smile like that. Alec couldn't look at his eyes, though. Not when they were split like that. The warlock folded himself on his knees and slowly rolled up the leg of Alec's frayed, grass-stained jeans. The once thin, pale limb was purple, black, and terribly swollen. Gently, the warlock turned his leg so that he could see the inside. Alec swallowed. The bone had gone through the skin. How had he not felt that?

"And this," said the warlock, "is why I don't tip cab drivers."

Despite himself, Alec actually laughed. It didn't last long, though, because his ribs really hurt. Little did he know that the magic that had saved his life was still mending them. Alec licked his bottom lip. "I should, um..." And then he couldn't talk anymore. The warlock had peered up from his ankle, letting him get a clear look at his face, and Alec felt like he'd been slugged in the gut. Alec had never seen anyone so beautiful in his life. Usually when he had thoughts about boys being attractive, he shook the feeling away and buried it deep, deep down - that didn't happen with the warlock.

"What's wrong?" he asked, worried. "Are you going to puke? I'll get a bucket."

Alec shook his head and dropped his gaze. "I should call home. Hodge can fix this."

There was a crackle of blue light and a numbness. Alec tried to pull away, but his ankle was in a vice grip. The warlock made quick work of it. The bone snapped back into place with a dull sort of pain and the wound it caused was closed. Unlike his ribs, no pain lingered. Six minutes later, Alec was completely healed. "Try it out," the warlock said, standing up. He stretched like a cat and Alec tried not to stare.

Slowly, he rolled his ankle and then put pressure on it. Good as new. "Thank you," he mumbled.

A hand ruffled his hair and Alec shrugged away from it. "No problem, dollface. I'm Magnus Bane, by the way."

Alec half gasped. He knew the name, but had always imagined some wizened old man with cloven hoofs or a dragons tale from the way his Father talked about him. Magnus was staring at him, one eyebrow arched. Alec suddenly felt very rude. He tried to smile politely and said, "I'm Alec Lightwood." He held out his hand for a shake and Magnus gave him a high five.

"Lightwood, huh? So my mundie cab driver managed to take out a Shadowhunter." He sat down in the worn green recliner, crossing his legs and picking up his tea. "A lot of people I know would say that's luck."

Alec frowned. "Would you?"

Magnus shrugged. "I fixed you up, didn't I?"

The frown only deepened. "But how much is it going to cost me?"

"Your first born," the warlock smirked, bringing his cup to his lips. When Alec just stared at him gravelly, he laughed. "Joking."

Alec took a deep breath and relaxed a little. The worry was less that he was afraid of giving up his first child and more that he didn't really want a first child to begin with. Not if they had to become Shadowhunter's as well. "I have some money," said Alec. He reached into his pocket and pulled out three crumpled bills and a folded coupon. "Uh, they're all ones, but this coupon is good for a free chili dog. They're really good."

To his dismay, the warlock just laughed. "Keep your chili dog," he said. "I was the one who got you hit with a car. You were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, nobly saving that squid from a grizzly death."

"It's an octopus," he grimaced. "His name is Burt."

Once again, Magnus cracked up. Good to know that Alec was such a riot to him, though it wasn't like he minded. Magnus only looked better when he laughed. His shoulders lifted and his head tilted up just a little. His eyes almost closed, only letting the tiniest glimmers of green shine through. They were nice that way. He let himself stare at Magnus, and when the warlock stopped laughing he didn't look away.

"How about I take you and Burt home?" he offered, standing up. Alec stuttered a 'No thank you', but Magnus waved it away. "One second. I just have to get my coat."

Twenty minutes later, Magnus finally decided on a coat and they were on their way. Alec didn't know what to say, but that didn't matter thanks to the sheer volume of words that came out of the High Warlock's mouth. He told Alec his whole morning as they walked towards the subway, and then recounted the incident with the cab and the impact, all the while cradling Isabelle's dirty stuffed octopus like it was a baby. Alec was slightly embarrassed to be seen in public with someone so loud and flashy, but he wanted to stay with the warlock just a little longer as they came closer and closer to the Institute. Magnus was funny and nice, not evil and scary. Besides, it was night time and no one was paying attention.

They were a block away when the warlock stopped. "You should probably go on alone from here," he said. "The last thing I need is a bunch of Shadowhunter's thinking I kidnapped one of their little ones."

Alec furrowed his eyebrows. "I'm not little! I'm thirteen."

"Oh yeah?" smirked Magnus. "That's still little to me."

Alec grabbed his sister's stupid octopus and held it by one tentacle, crossing his arms. "In three years I'll be sixteen. That's old enough to drive. And in five years I'll be nineteen. I'll be an adult."

And then, of all things, the warlock said, "When that day comes, be sure to call me. You're gonna be a cute one."

If it was a joke, Alec seriously didn't get it. He blinked as Magnus laughed, cheeks turning red as he slowly realized what he'd meant. "I, uh, that's not... I'm not... We're both..."

"Don't give yourself an aneurysm," Magnus said as he started walking backwards. Those twenty minutes were well spent - he carried that close cut black jacket ridiculously well, especially with his hands in the pockets. "I'll see you later, Alec."

The Shadowhunter fought the urge to say, "You promise?" and turned around, head down the rest of the way home. When he entered the Institute, he saw that Isabelle and Jace had fallen asleep in the pews. Jace had a nasty black eye and a bag of melted ice dangled from his wrist. Alec whipped Burt the Octopus at Jace's head, waking them both, and then stormed off to his room, refusing to tell them where he'd been all day and for half the night.

o-O-o

When Hodge grilled him the next day, Alec said he'd gone for a long, long walk with Burt the Octopus to get away from Jace and Isabelle's fighting. Being grounded was worth it, especially later down the road when Alec met Magnus again. The connection had been instantaneous. Alec remembered his apartment, his name, his bizarre clothes - but his memory hadn't done his face any justice. The skin glowed in real life, and the eyes were like chips of emerald. The crackling warmth that had surrounded his ankle seemed to stick to the air around Magnus. The best part wasn't recognizing him, though - it was being recognized. Five years later and Magnus still remembered the little Shadowhunter he'd nearly killed with a cab. Even though he'd grown up, the warlock still knew who he was.

That was the story they never told, the one they kept quiet for only the two of them.

**Fin.**


	51. Socks

_Someone asked me what happened to the super short chapters and I have two things to say:_

_1) I just did a super short chapter a couple of days ago. It was called The Gay Bar, I'm sure. The chapters very in length, from short - which I consider to be anywhere from 1000 to 3000 words - to really short, which could be as little as ten. The length of the chapters usually depends on how much I feel should be said, and as sweet and to the point as the shorter ones are, I'm usually fighting like crazy not to extend them._

_2) If you're going to ask me a question, please please please sign in. I always answer questions, but it drives me insane when people ask and I go to click on the reply button only to find that they're not logged onto FF. I HATE writing long, drawn out author's notes unless they're about something unfortunate that happens to me. On a related note, today I was sprayed by a bus while I was walking my dog. And then thirty seconds later I slid on some ice, fell down a big ass hill, and smeared my coat with dog shit. It was not a good day.

* * *

_

**Socks**

Alec liked to wear socks that didn't match. It made him feel whimsical.

**Fin.**

**

* * *

**_Also, I usually update my FF whenever I have writers block, which is something I've had for a couple of weeks now. I think it's breaking, though so I don't know how often I'll update... Don't panic, though. I'll still probably update a lot. My heart beats for Malec._

_...did I just say that my heart beats for two fictional gay men? What am I doing with my life? -_-_

_And I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while. I was away at the Toronto Comic Con. It was extremely fun and I met Xander from Buffy. EPIC. While I was there, my IRL friend EverLoyalPoptart bought me an owl button in exchange for me making The Gay Bar full length, which I'm working on now. :)  
_

_PS: If you were wondering, yes these notes were elongated for comedic effect.  
_


	52. Pro's and Con's

**Pro's and Con's  
**

Alec was searching in Magnus's closet for Chairman Meow's favourite sparkly toy when he found P-C List.

Normally he wouldn't have thought much of a piece of paper sitting folded on the top shelf of his boyfriend's shoe wall, but when he swiped his hand over the edge the note tumbled down onto the floor and fell partially open. Alec grabbed it, not thinking twice about the action, and made to put it back - but not before he read his own name scrawled in pink gel pen. He always thought it was funny to see Magnus's beautiful calligraphy used with such laughable ink, especially when it was saying the most trivial things.

_Alec Lightwood, _it called out to him. Magnus might as well have written READ ME!

He checked over his shoulder, knowing full well that Magnus wouldn't be home for an hour at least, and unfolded the piece of paper.

_The Pro's and Con's of Continuing My Secret Relationship With the Adorable Alec Lightwood_

_Con's: He's ashamed of me. Penguins make him uncomfortable. He thinks he loves that blond kid. He's repressed. His fashion taste is TERRIBLE. Shadowhunter's have short life expectancies. He doesn't cut his toenails until they're long enough to be counted as talons. He's only a kid. He's cheap. His parents probably won't appreciate me being in their sons life. Alec probably doesn't want them to know about me. He doesn't understand the concept of play fighting. He tried to kill my cat more than once. He snores like a walrus. He eats like a walrus. He might be part walrus. Do walrus's hate penguins? That would explain a lot. He has nightmares all the time. He gets muddy footprints all over my floors. He'd rather sit on a towel than accept wearing a pair of my pants for 30 minutes. He's a book snob. When he doesn't get my jokes he looks like a llama. A lot of our issues are animal based. He won't let me see him cry.  
_

_Pro's: I love him._

Alec grimaced and tossed the paper back on the top shelf. He went into the bathroom and looked at himself critically. With a bit of effort, he recalled something Magnus had said earlier that week. "I'm not bisexual - I'm biwinning." The blank expression returned and Alec stared at himself.

He did look a little bit like a llama.

Weird.

**Fin.**


	53. Built For Two

**Built For Two**

Alec and Magnus went for a bike ride to Coney Island. Magnus was too slow and kept losing his boyfriend. He was out of breath and actually sweating a bit, and they weren't even out of Brooklyn yet. The sun was too hot and his skin-tight shirt was too itchy.

Frowning, Alec circled back and found Magnus's bike resting against a wall outside a bodega. He raised his eyebrows as the warlock stepped back out onto the street, his helmet unbuckled, slurping from a Slushy. He silently offered the cup to Alec, smirking.

"We're never going to get there if you don't put some leg into it."

Magnus rolled his eyes. "You're too fast. I'm slow. And old."

"And out of shape," he added.

The warlock sneered at him. "Yes, yes, that too." He glared at their bikes. If only there was some way he could make Alec do all of the work... That was it! While patting himself on the back for his own genius, Magnus snapped his fingers. The bicycles disappeared in a flash, replaced with a bright yellow tandem bike.

Twenty minutes later, Alec was powering through Manhattan while Magnus watched the muscles in his back and arms flex through his t-shirt. He chewed on the straw of his Slushy , leaning back and letting his feet move with the pedals.

Biking was pretty fun, he supposed.

**Fin.**

* * *

_I'm sorry if updates are slow. I have a lot of work to do at school. :(_


	54. 90 Words With Magnus

**90 Words With Magnus**

The thin paintbrush twirled in his fingertips as he stirred his coffee with an enchanted spoon. Alec was rummaging around in the bathroom, rushing off to meet his family instead of going on a movie date with Magnus, completely unaware that once the sun hit the bewitched paint on his upper lip, he would be walking around with a polka dotted moustache. A purple and green one.

Ah, revenge. It was sweet.

**Fin.**


	55. Spider

**Spider**

Magnus was filing his nails and lazily flipping through a spell-book when the banshee broke into his apartment. At least, that was what it sounded like. A sudden burst of terrible, shrill screeching set Magnus's eardrums on fire. His first thought was that a tormented spirit was proclaiming the death of someone Magnus knew in the near future. His second thought was that something was hacking Alec to pieces in the bedroom.

His third thought was proved true moments later with Alec's shout of, "MAGNUS KILL IT!"

Smirking, Magnus tossed down his nail file and hopped lightly to his feet. Oh, how wonderful these moments were. When he entered the bedroom Alec was covering in the corner, pinned by a tiny brown spider that scuttled around on the floor like a tiny crab.

"Oh, it looks absolutely ravenous," he chuckled. "I should call a lion tamer."

"KILL IT, KILL IT!" was Alec's reply, only with a little more colorful wording. Magnus grabbed a piece of paper and dropped down to squish the spider. "Wait!" Alec cried. His expression was torn. The spider crawled a little closer and he swallowed a squeak. "Don't kill it."

"Why not?"

Alec's face turned red. "It didn't do anything wrong. That's bad karma on both of us."

"For god sakes, Alec, it's a spider. You kill demons for a living." His boyfriend shrugged and averted his gaze from the little monster. Magnus sighed, though he was laughing to himself. "Fine. We'll do it your hippy way." He scooped the spider up and ushered it out onto the sill, closing the window behind. Magnus turned to Alec and lifted an eyebrow. "Better?"

The Shadowhunter blushed harder and gazed at his toes. "What if it sneaks back in?"

"I'll put it back outside again."

Alec smiled to himself. "Thank you."

"No problem."

**Fin.**


	56. Babercut

_Sorry for the long absense. OHMYGODI'VEHADSOMUCHSCHOOLWORK. But summer's only a month away, so that's good. :)_

**Babercut**

"Ow!"

Alec put down his book and lifted an eyebrow at Magnus, who had his pointer finger in his mouth. "What?"

"I got a babercut," he frowned around his finger.

In spite of himself, Alec smiled. "You got a babercut?"

"It's not bunny, Aleg!" he cried. "My finga hurts."

Alec nodded, pushing around his salad. "I never said it was bunny. And I'm sorry about your finga."

Magnus took his finger out of his mouth, grabbed Alec's book, and smacked him on the arm with it. "Ow!" gasped Alec, putting his hand to his arm. He lifted it and inspected the damage. "You gave me a babercut!"

Magnus leaned back, grabbing a cherry tomato off of Alec's plate and popping it in his mouth. "Bayback's a pitch."

**FIN**


End file.
